need some help as to what to write to someone diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer

[ejt1764]

I don't know if this is the right place to put this thread, but I need your help.

Just after Christmas, dh's cousin (closest thing he has to a brother, they were practically brought up together) found out he had a brain tumour. He and his family (he has a long-term partner and 2 teenage sons) found out yesterday that it's cancerous, incredibly aggressive and inoperable. He's been told that there's a slim chance that he may be able to have chemo, but the outlook for that isn't great either.

DH is going to see him tomorrow - I'm not going as I'm suffering really badly with hyperemesis, and can bearly go outside the door, let alone go on a hour journey in the car. I want to write a letter to him and his family just saying that I'm thinking of them. How on earth do I put it? What can I say?

Any help from you would be really appreciated.

Thanks

[VioletBaudelaire]

What a sad situation for you and all the family.
What about sending just a card for now, with a message to say that they are in your thoughts, and that you send them all your love at this difficult time?
I'm sure that seeing your DH will also mean a lot to them.

[ejt1764]

bump - anybody else got any ideas? - I feel like I need to explain why I'm not there with dh - and they don't know yet that I'm pg (have been keeping it quiet because of 2x mc last year)

Thanks all

[Tamum]

I can't think of anything other than platitudes I'm afraid- I would just say you've been sick and leave it at that, but just say how much you're thinking of them and how unfair life is. Very hard.

[PollyLogos]

Why dont you write and tell them the truth but explain why you are not telling people about the pregnancy?

Just before my mum died of cancer she was told in 'secret'that her niece was pregnant and expecting twins. My mum was really touched to hear that news.

[becklespeckle]

sorry to hear such terrible news
i agree with pollylogos, tell them about pg in confidentiality - he will be chuffed. I lost my Mum to the same last year and the thing she hated the most was sympathy - she preferred being around people who offered help but were jokey and 'normal' around her.

[ejt1764]

Thanks for your suggestions - becklespeckle and pollylogos, I think I will let them know about pg - they know about mcs last year ... I was just a bit worried in case it was the last thing they would want to hear.

I so want to be able to give them a big hug - they've already suffered incredible tragedy as a family as their youngest son died after heart surgery just before his 3rd birthday about 8 years ago. It just seems so unfair that they should have to go through more.

Thanks for your help - especially from those who've been there before.