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Can you enjoy pregnancy after stillbirth?

(22 Posts)
ManchesterMum Tue 16-Jan-07 22:48:18

DD2 was stillborn at 35 weeks in August last year. She had been REALLY lively in the womb & caused no end of amusement at home & work with her regular - and very public - appearances, something for which I'll always be grateful because she made me and many other people laugh. However it is believed that it was this very level of activity that was the likely cause of her death, as the consultant's best guess is that she pressed upon or twisted the umbilical cord and cut off her own oxygen supply, though the PM couldn't provide anything more conclusive.
I'm now 9 weeks pregnant and, though obviously pleased, find myself unable to invest any real hope or expectation that there will actually be another baby until s/he is born. I'm also concerned that I'm going to be worried when s/he moves "too much" and then also when they do not.
I'm generally a very laid back person and want to enjoy this pregnancy as I have my others. Can anyone tell me whether things will get better as the weeks go by?

lissielou Tue 16-Jan-07 22:51:16

oh mm, im so sorry, nothing constructive to add just my prayers for you and bean

MamazonAKAfatty Tue 16-Jan-07 22:55:20

You will undoubtedly spend every moment of the next 30 odd weeks poking and prodding at your bump in order to try and provoke a kick or flutter. you will enjoy feeling yoru baby move and you will form a bond with him/her just as you would fact it will probably be an even closer bond as s/he is so extra special.

you will stress and worry, but it makes it all the more rewarding when you WILL finally hold that baby in your arms and hear him/her cry for his/her mum.

Good luck hun

IntergalacticWalrus Tue 16-Jan-07 22:58:30

First of all, congratulations x

So sorry to hear what you have been through MM

I haven't been through this myself, but a very good friend of mine has. She had a stillbirth at 25 weeks and then a few months later was pregnant again. I know once she got past the 25 week mark, she was able to relax a little, but obv things are a bit diffrent in your case as you were much further on. However, I rememeber she told me that although she was more worried this time round, she looked upon it as a different experience and tried to remain as positive as possible, which I'm sure is very hard under the circumstances. The chances are that everything will be fine for you, and for the record, my friend now has a very bonny and bouncy 8 month old baby son!

Wishing you all the very best with your pregnancy.

I'm sure someone with personal experience will come along soon x

ManchesterMum Tue 16-Jan-07 23:03:30

Thanks for your messages. Must just keep looking forward to DDs 1&2 becoming big sisters soon (though it really can't be soon enough).

IntergalacticWalrus Tue 16-Jan-07 23:05:01

Your pregnancy will fly by MM (in a nice way!)

It is almost a year ago since I found out I was pg with DS2. He's 4 months old now! It seems like yesterday!

jabuti Sat 20-Jan-07 12:44:40

very similar story here manchestermum. our baby passed away when i was 32 weeks last july. pregnant again, 13 weeks and i have been wandering if i can be happy and not worried about this pregnancy. after our first scan last week, somehow all hopes are back and i feel quite happy about being pregnant again.

great luck for both of us.

snorkle Sat 20-Jan-07 14:45:14

Message withdrawn

jabuti Sat 20-Jan-07 16:39:01

agreed snorkle, my husband and i talked a lot and still do from time to time, how we dont have that naive optimism from before. but its not like we are bitter or pessimistic, we just see pregnancy in a different way now, not worse or better.

i always like hearing happy endings, thanx for posting yours snorkle!

USAUKMum Sat 20-Jan-07 16:45:32

I am sorry to hear for your loss.

I had my DS 13mths after his big brother was stillborn at 20wks. I can't say that I relaxed at all during the pg (had alreaady had a successful pg with DD before stillbirth), but was regularly scanned and seen by consultant (thank goodness) and was induced at 38 wks. Now DS 2.5, it is worth the stress, but make time for yourself. I did find myself calculating the odds for every week after 24wks. If you were born this week you have X% chance to live.....

Good luck with your pregnancy.

kateyp Sun 21-Jan-07 19:03:16

Hi there,
I am on my second pregnancy after loss. My first baby boy died in Dec 02 at 26 weeks gestation, and since then i have had Elliot who is now 2 and am 30 weeks into another pg. (also had an early miscarriage inbetween times)

Anyway - Elliot's pregnancy was very stressful for me. I found each passing week difficult and to be honest I found that after the 26 week mark I became more stressed, not less. I think it was because I knew what the baby would look like now and just terror that it would happen again. This time I have been more determined to enjoy it - but it is often a case of mind over matter and just telling myself to relax!

There is an excellent book called "Pregnancy After Loss" by Carol Cirulli Langham and it seemed to describe exactly how I was feeling at each stage. I only ever read up as far as I was pregnant (if you get me) and drove everyone around me mad by starting every sentence with "well the book says..."

Her best bit of advice is when you start to worry to think "OK - Today I am OK" and to do your best not to worry about tomorrow or the day after or the months after that. Which was simple but really really helped.

So that is my mantra.
Today we are OK.

Take care and best of luck.

ManchesterMum Wed 24-Jan-07 21:38:01

Had our first scan today which was very emotional, seeing baby move and finding that there was a heartbeat. Best bit, though, was discovering that I'm actually 8 days further along than thought, so I'm 11w 5d with a due date of 10 Aug, instead of 18 Aug. It's not long but means we're a week nearer the comparative comfort zone of the second trimester.

Thanks so much for all of your postings. I don't always have a chance to check the site daily but each one has been such a help. And (thanks to kateyp) today we ARE ok.

Will keep you posted and hope to also hear more from jabuti & kateyp too.

kateyp Thu 25-Jan-07 14:23:32

By the way - I help run a website for those that have had late losses/stillbirths/neonatal deaths. Very informal and friendly and we have a separate section for those going through the "fun" of pregnancy after loss!

You are more than welcome (as is anyone else who falls into our category) - just pop on the application that you came across me (kate) here!


Uki Mon 29-Jan-07 21:23:56

So sorry for your loss and really hope you can relax and enjoy your pg.

I've not had stillbirth but have had 3x missed m/c and have found it difficult, but now pg again and past 11 weeks, I'm due 15th Aug, I'm trying to relax now.

I have to agree with others and say it would be highly unlikely for you to have a stillbirth again, and you will be in good hands I'm sure.

Also I was thinking of buying a doppler, for reasurrance to monitor baby. maybe that would help you too.

LupinsBigLump Sat 03-Feb-07 22:37:05


So sorry you have been through this, we lost our little lad at 29 wks, I was pg with dd about 6 wks later and must admit I didnt enjoy it at all - I had no belief that I would be taking this baby home - I didnt buy anything or prepare in the slightest, needless to say we had a mad dash to mothercare when she arrived 5 weeks early lol, I had brilliant care throughout my pg, and in the end was getting fed up with being there I was there so much

I am now pg again, it has taken 4 years to want to go through it again, and I am much more relaxed this time, I have bought some things and my care has lessened, well at least at the moment, It is still always in the back of my head tho of what could happen

Hope all goes well for you this time, I found having a doppler has helped this time - just for reasurrance

jabuti Thu 22-Feb-07 21:28:13

hi manchestermum, how have you been? we (my husband and i) are doing fine, some days happy others worried... just wanted to say hi.

ManchesterMum Sat 24-Feb-07 17:52:49

Hi jabuti, thanks for your msg. Am doing OK at the moment but can't wait to get the triple test results and smear out of the way on 21 March.

Still haven't really told many people so far and would like to wait until after that if at all possible cos I can't face having to tell the whole world that I'm not pregnant should there be any problems (seriously not expecting any but feel like I'd be tempting fate!). However I'm not sure if bump will let me get away with the secrecy for much longer as I've already had a couple of people asking.

How many weeks are you now? I'm sixteen. Just having the very first feelings of what I think are movements which is all very exciting. Don't know about you but generally I'm quite relaxed about being pregnant, I just don't have this vision of having a baby at the end of it all at the moment but reckon that increased movements, scan etc. over the next few weeks will start to convince me a little more on that front. One mw suggested that I might be induced this time and I'm hoping the consultant will let me know one way or another (all else being equal) at the appointment on 21 Mar. Has anything along these lines been mentioned to you? Can't really see that it would do anything other than provide reassurance but if that's what they want, then I'm willing to do what I'm told. However would prefer to go full term, if only for the sentimental reason that all three of mine would have been born in August, even if DD2 had been due in October.

Hope to hear back from you. Keep well

beanie2bump Sat 24-Feb-07 18:07:29

hi honey, me again,
i lost my ds at 37 weeks, i then went on to have a healthy baby boy. followed by a mc at 8 weeks then i am am currently 8 weeks pregnant

i found that during my second pregnancy with my born son, who is snooring at the moment,

i excepted him to pass away too,,, i set myself up for the worst and then if he was born alive it was a bonus,,,

sounds awfull,,,

i brought a doppler from ebay,,, was about £100 but it was fantastic any time any min of any day i could get a heartbeat... which was so so so so so reassuring
i used it for bout two hours the night before i was due to be induced...

i did get through some gel and batteries,,

i found it great and it was so amazing i could hear hiccups and everything,

might not be something that will work for u but it certainally did help me xxxx

ManchesterMum Sun 25-Feb-07 15:20:05

Hi b2b (am sure we've spoken recently on another thread but can't remember which!). Lovely to hear your pg again - are you finding it any easier to relax this time? Even after what happened with dd2, I always had the consolation of having dd1 so knowing that I should be likely to have another baby at some stage. It must be even more difficult to deal when it's your first.

Something interesting has come out of an innocuous thread I posted yesterday asking for suggestions of how I can alleviate my intolerably itchy skin (suffered from this last time too). One poster suggested that it could be something called obstetric cholestesis, a liver complaint which can increase the risk of late stillbirth. Am going to ask mw to have blood test to check because I seem to tick too many of the boxes not to want to have it eliminated and if I turned out to have it, would increase the risk of another late stillbirth.

Will keep you posted.

coggy Sun 25-Feb-07 16:48:53

I'm rather hoping that I'll be able to 'join' your thread very soon.
My ds was stillborn at 40weeks...he actually died on his due date because of a knot in the cord.

It took us nearly 5 years ttc him and now I am going for IUI treatment tomorrow as we have been trying again for over 20 months.

I think that the idea of buying a doppler is an excellent one Beanie2Bump.
My MW said that if we have another pgnancy she would come everyday if I wanted to check...but I don't think that's worth it because something could happen after she's been....a doppler would take that worry away a bit I'm sure.

I was also told by my consultant at the time that they would induce me two weeks early if I had another pg.

Fingers crossed that I will be again soon.

ManchesterMum Sun 25-Feb-07 17:22:11

coggy - so very sorry to hear about your ds

Don't know whether you saw the recent thread about acupuncture when ttc, there were some amazing stories from people for whom it really seemed to help. click here to go to thread

Hope that your treatment is successful and that you'll be posting details of some happy news in the very future

jabuti Mon 26-Feb-07 10:52:16

hi ladies!

manchestermum, i am 17+5 today. i havent felt the baby move yet, and i heard second pregnancy you feel earlier. that made me a bit worried if the baby was growing properly. but see, its all paranoya because i have had 3 scans already and if anything, they put me ahead one week due the size of the baby.

we have a dopler that we bought on ebay for 50 pounds. so worth it. there are days that its me wanting to check on the baby, and there are days that is my husband. we always feel reassured when we hear the heartbeat and the kicks. even though im not feeling it yet, you can hear the kicks with the dopler, its very sweet.

only our family, friends and my manager know im pregnant. those are people that if something goes wrong, i would like them to know anyway because i would need their support.

im showing already too but i do use big winter sweaters so i guess some people might be thinking im just 'heavy', hehehe.

earlier on it was detected some sort of bad blood circulation in one of my arteries, but it was a false positive. now that my placenta is fully formed the blood circulation is fine. because there was no cause of death of our baby girl, and so far everything is looking good, my consultant is almost certain to remove me from the high risk list. but i still have 2 more scans to come, one around 21 weeks (the usual one for everyone) and one around 26 weeks that will determine my risks.

they have not told me anything about earlier delivery? serena was our first baby so i dont even know what it is to have a normal, relaxed pregnancy where you are confident that you have a healthy baby at the end. but that doesnt put me down, we are very spiritual and strong in that sense. so i guess my whole experience with pregnancy is still being defined. i was induced with serena, after we found out she had passed away. it was ok but i would prefer to go the natural way this time, let the pain increase slowly... i just dont think it would reassure me to induce this baby earlier? i go to doctors and believe in medicine to a certain extent, but i think ultimately is what this spirit has set to this life that will determine if he/she is staying or not.

coggy, i remember you from when i posted about serena here. i wish you luck too! to all of us.

im glad you are doing fine manchestermum! i really hope this year is our year to have a cute healthy baby in our arms!

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