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feeling spooked after sister's death

(10 Posts)
Jw35 Sun 10-Apr-16 23:58:37

My sister died 10 days ago from severe aplastic anaemia. It's all been very sudden, she only found out she had the condition around 11-12 weeks ago when she couldn't stop bleeding from her menstrual cycle.

She was in hospital going through blood transfusions, tests, constant scans to check for internal bleeding, septicaemia, ulcers in her mouth and all sorts. She got pneumonia then had a bone marrow transplant on the 23rd March. It didn't work in time and she died in the early hours of March 31st after a being put in an induced coma the previous afternoon.

I'm not sure it's registered with me. I mean, I know she's died and the day after I felt really shocked and numb but I haven't barely cried or felt too sad. The last time I spoke to her she was chirpy and normal, that was the 22nd March. I didn't see her in hospital due to the distance and difficulty bringing my toddler. She couldn't have children near her except her own and that was only occasional as she was in isolation, she had hardly any immune system and illnesses could kill her.

We spoke on the phone almost daily but hardly about her condition, mostly normal things like our favourite potato fillings and such. We were very close as sisters, just 16 months apart. She was just 9 days from her 35th birthday which was yesterday.

I feel like I should be more upset but for some reason I just feel acceptance. I feel sorry for her kids though as she's left behind 4 children aged between 4 and 17 years old. The funeral is on Thursday and I'm dreading going and facing things.

Anyway the point is since her death I haven't been sleeping properly. The first couple of nights I slept downstairs on the sofa with my dad who lives with me. Since then I've slept with the light on in my room. I've been waking at all hours and never later than 6am.

I feel spooked. I get scared going to the toilet on my own or walking upstairs if it's dark. If there's noises at night such as my dd coughing or moving in her sleep I get the creeps. I don't know why logically as I don't think she's going to haunt me or anything it's more like I'm thinking about death more and it's scared me.

Has anyone else gone through this? Will I start to feel upset when I realise I will miss her? Will I stop feeling spooked? Is this normal grief? Thanks

sandgrown Mon 11-Apr-16 00:05:10

When my mum died I was devastated and scared I would see her. Friends had told me they had "seen" loved ones after death. An aunt then said to me that my mum loved me when she was alive so why would she hurt me after death. It made me feel better and I was able to sleep x

Haudyerwheesht Mon 11-Apr-16 00:19:33

I'm so sorry OP. It sounds a little like you're in shock and trying to be strong for everyone?

My dad died on Thursday. I have had short little episodes of crying but haven't cried a lot and took Dd on a play date a few hours after I found out, will be taking kids to and from school etc Tomorrow but I mean what's the alternative? I admit I'm deliberately keeping busy because I feel kind of numb and restless when I don't. I don't think what you're feeling is unusual. I keep wondering if my dad can 'see' me and worrying he isn't at peace - I worry about that a lot because of how his last few days were. I know it's all illogical and silly but I can't help it.

Jw35 Mon 11-Apr-16 00:24:21

I'm keeping busy too. Gone obsessive over the housework, it really isn't like me!

cocochanel21 Mon 11-Apr-16 01:08:57

Sorry for your loss flowers.

My DD died suddenly 6mths ago. It was in tragic and upsetting circumstances. I actually had a dream about her the night she died it really spooked me out. When the police knocked on the door the next morning i knew straight away she was gone. I felt like that for week's after I also slept with light on, scared of the dark. It did get better.
I now know I didn't let myself grieve, I felt numb and I was also 7mths pregnant at the time. I didn't really want to talk about it and basically tried to carry on as NORMAL.
Your probably in shock just now and in the coming weeks you will start to feel all different emotions. Grief affects everyone differently what your feeling is totally natural.
Do you have family around to help?

ThinkBeforePosting Mon 11-Apr-16 01:21:44

Im very sorry to hear about your sister. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. I get that 'spooked' feeling if I'm feeling sad. Although I say that I feel jittery rather than spooked. I hope you have lots of RL support. Look after yourself and don't be shy to ask for professional help from you Dr or from bereavement charities if you feel you need it. I don't think there is anything wrong with carrying on doing normal things as long as you make sure you stop if you need to. You need to do whatever works for you.


Jenijena Mon 11-Apr-16 01:32:53

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister.

There is no timetable for grief and how it affects you, there is no 'normal'. You may well feel different (better, or worse) after the funeral, but give yourself space when you need it.


LuckyBitches Mon 11-Apr-16 12:10:27

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister OP. My brother died in similar circumstances (aged 28) a couple of years ago. He had some sort of mysterious blood condition, possibly Lymphoma (it was never really clear). He was about to have a stem cell transplant and then suddenly it was called off due to multiple organ failure, he was put in an induced coma (thank God) and died two days later. What we've both experienced is an absolute horror, as it is for so many on this board, so it's not surprising that you feel skittish. I know that I did for a long time. What I've learnt is that grief is always a very personal experience, and not very linear. I've gone back and forward between sadness and acceptance, and probably will do so for the rest of my life (to degrees). There's no clear path through grief, you just have to let it do what it wants to do. The tears will come when you're ready.


sorbetandcream1 Mon 11-Apr-16 20:29:49

So sorry for your loss. Yes, everything you are describing is totally normal. It's a normal reaction to a very, very sad situation. You must be in shock. It's gonna take time to get your head round what's happened. Just try to take one day at a time. Do whatever you need to do to get through the next few weeks, months. Look after yourself.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Mon 11-Apr-16 21:28:05

Sorry for your loss. I had the same fear about my paternal nan. When I knew she was dying. I kept having visions of walking past her house and her looking through her window and beckoning me to come to her with a sinister look on her face. Good knows why, as. She didn't have a sinister or bad bone in her body. I confided in my mum, and she simply said. She's never done you any harm while she's been alive so she's not got to do you any harm when she's dead. The fear just went then.

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