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Bereavement

In Laws

3 replies

georgiatraher · 10/03/2016 10:40

I don't know how to feel.

My partner's mother is in hospital and needs surgery and due to circumstance, there's very little chance she'll make it through that.

I'm struggling with how to be supportive. I think he thinks I don't care except for how I feel about him.

She and I are not close because there's a language barrier.

But I don't think he sees that she's really important to me as well, Like if I imagine our future children I imagined them going to their grandmas and I'd have been so proud to give her grandchildren.

It's just really emotional and I don't feel like I can indulge my own feelings because his are more important and I think I appear a little cold.

Just putting it out there I guess.

OP posts:

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VulcanWoman · 10/03/2016 10:48

I think you should be able to show your emotions, there's nothing wrong with crying, in fact it's good for you to let it out. I found, just being with my loved one's at these times, talking, hugging and helping each other, helped me cope with the situation. Even if there's a language barrier with your MIL, gestures can be used to communicate with her, holding her hand, smiling, even if you're speaking a different language, even the tone of your voice in your language will mean something to her. Best wishes to you and your family.

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Clare1971 · 11/03/2016 16:10

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer my DH cried. I've always loved him for it. Can you say exactly what you've said here to you DH? I mean about her being important to you despite the language barrier and how you always pictured her as part of your future. I think it would mean a lot to him. Fingers crossed for the surgery.

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georgiatraher · 11/03/2016 16:37

He's a very stoic character, never breaks down. I think he resists that and wouldn't appreciate me dragging it out of him. He reacts badly to my offering to help with things ie a bit snappy that there's nothing I can do.
I am trying to just let him know that I love him even though hes pushing me away.
Id like to tell him how I feel though. I think you're right that he would appreciate it. and I need to do it before she goes in to surgery. Thanks for the advise, I think I've just been shying away from the emotional side with him because he's so introverted.