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(8 Posts)
manandbeast Tue 29-Dec-15 13:47:38


I'd appreciate some advice.

I'm trying to support my 22yr old half sister who lost her mum in sudden circumstances about 17 months ago.

She is really struggling, subsumed at times by her grief. She can't seem to ask for help and the grief comes through in big outbursts (which we don't judge her for at all).

I want to help her find support that she can tap into when she needs is and wondered if there are support groups for people who've lost someone? Maybe I could go with her the first few times?

For those who have been grieving for a loved one - would this have helped you? If not, what can I do for her?


Becca19962014 Tue 29-Dec-15 14:06:19

I know in my area cruse offer group counselling as well as one to one for people who feel they would benefit from being in a group setting. Ive not been to one so cannot comment, but I have had excellent support from them on a one to one basis - you can if you want attend the first session with her of a one to one as well as in a group setting.

She does need to be ready for that though and I wonder if she is or not. It may be that she isn't and for now needs support to get to that point? It can take a long time to get to that point. My best friend died suddenly and I'm nowhere near ready for grief counselling - I thought I was until I went to an assessment and the counsellor said I wasn't - to be fair I still struggle hugely without her.

Grief is very individual. I suggest you let her know you are there for her and understand, and suggest cruse just in case she feels able to try it, but don't push her into anything she doesn't feel ready for.

Paperdolly Tue 29-Dec-15 14:06:22

Cruse Bereavent website may be helpful.

Have a look yourself for your support too as it's hard for someone to support others through this difficult time.

The only person who knows the best time to seek support though would be your half sister. People grieve in their own time in their own way. It always helps to keep the memory alive by not avoiding talking about the person. People tend to tread on eggshells and this ends up being painful for all. Were there any happy memories you could talk about? Favourite TV programmes watched? i.e.
What would mum be thinking about them?

manandbeast Tue 29-Dec-15 15:30:25


I actually think you're right, she's not ready for counselling yet.

How will she know when she's ready? What is readiness for counselling?

Becca19962014 Tue 29-Dec-15 15:53:03

I'm not sure to be honest (sorry that's not helpful!) in my case I wasn't sure at the time of my assessment and it was the assessor who said that they didn't think I was ready as it can be painful/upsetting to do.

You could suggest it to her and see how she reacts? the assessment appointment is very helpful in deciding readiness, but honestly it needs to come from her.

There maybe some resources on the cruse website (ive not been there for awhile though).

Sorry if that's not very helpful.

manandbeast Tue 29-Dec-15 16:10:00

It is - thankyou

Sorry for your loss thanks

Paperdolly Wed 30-Dec-15 22:46:12

When she wishes to go voluntary and is ready to open up about things. It takes a while to trust a counsellor but a good one will be patient. I'm not sure how you can tell if someone is 'not ready' once in counselling unless they say they have been coerced into doing it. Hope this helps.

Becca19962014 Wed 30-Dec-15 23:12:03

Cruse do assessment appointments to see if someone is ready. I can't say how it's done exactly but any responsible counsellor or therapist should ensure any client was strong enough for what is involved in counselling or therapy, cruse definitely do this.

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