dad has just died, brother has cancer

[MrsMiniver]

My dear old dad has just died aged 88, it was expected after a long illness but we're still very sad. I just need some hand-holding please, I have some lovely RL friends and they've all been lovely about dad but I don't want to burden them with anything else. My 54 year old brother was diagnosed with stage 3 prostate cancer in May and the prognosis isn't great (could be as little as 2 years). We decided not to tell mum because of what was going on with dad but now that he's passed away, feel that we'll have to do so within the next couple of months.

I'm dreading this more than I can say. She's been devastated by the loss of my dad and I have no idea how she's going to cope with this new situation.
(I also have another brother BTW). We do have to tell her, although he's fit and well now and his treatment is non-invasive, he may be offered radiotherapy soon and this will obviously effect him more. Dad was buried in a really deep plot last week with enough room on top for mum. But now I'm thinking we might well be putting my brother in there first :(

[holeinmyheart]

OMG you are suffering. There is very little honestly, that anyone can do to make you feel better. However if it gives you any comfort to talk on line , then go ahead. Mumnetters can be so empathic and there are lots of us who have been through similar stuff.
Perhaps the only thing to keep in mind is that your Dad and Brother would not want you to suffer on their behalf. It is such bad luck to have all these awful things happening at once.
Lots of hugs and kisses is all I can offer. Your poor brother and Mum. It is so painful.

[MrsMiniver]

Thanks for the lovely post HH. It is indeed a great comfort to talk online, and I know MNers are an empathetic lot. I know many people have far worse to deal with and I'm a positive sort who tries to find light in a dark place. I just want to be strong for my dear depleted family and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

[derxa]

MrsMiniver. what a hellish situation.

[whatisforteamum]

mrsminiver so sorry you are in this situation and sorry for the loss of your df.Your dm maybe stronger than you think.My dm was battling advanced cancer when df was diagnosed incurable cancer too.I would ve worried about her however she has been rock solid eventhough df is now dying and her cancer is due to return for the third time,

[Madamscorp]

Hi , just wanted to say that I am so sorry to hear about your dad and such sad news regarding your brother. I can't offer you any words of advice. I worry every day about losing my parents. I have lost my only sibling so I know something about loss.
That's all I wanted to say sorry its not helpful.
Sending you virtual hugs .
Be kind to yourself x

[MrsMiniver]

Madamscorp, I'm so sorry for your loss too. I don't really need advice, just to know that others have been through hard times and lost loved ones and managed to carry on living purposefully. Whatisforteamum, life has dealt you such a blow but your mum sounds like an inspiration. What is her prognosis this time?

It would be good to think that maybe my mum will find enough strength to help support my brother and maybe once she knows, the situation might be easier to deal with. It's her not knowing that's doing my head in more than anything. Wishing you all love and strength x

[whatisforteamum]

mums prognosis was a yr in 2007 !! then she responded to chemo again in 2012 when dad was diagnosed and she had major surgery.She has been told the cancer will be back sooner this time.we ve been lucky so far i just hope its not back while she nurses Dad..sending everyone love.x