I lost my beloved granddad seven weeks ago, two weeks ago I gave birth to my second DC.
I feel like I haven't been able to grieve properly. Part of me wants to grieve and mourn but another part of me just wants to enjoy my new baby and forget about everything else. When people try and talk to me about my Granddad or his passing, I don't want to hear it - I sort of just nod along and agree hoping the conversation will come to an end soon. When a family member posts about him on Facebook and tags me in the post, I feel angry. I feel like it's all just going to bring me down and lower my mood. I feel awful for feeling this way. I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with the grief and all the hormones and emotions that come with having a new baby. It feels like there's too much all at once and I don't have the emotional capacity to deal with it. I worry about how not grieving properly and pushing it to the back of my mind will affect me long term, but at the same time I feel like it's not something I am able to control. It's utterly selfish, but my instinct is to just focus on my newborn and my toddler and make sure all their needs are met, everything else is taking a back seat.
I feel alone, like no one close to me really understands what it has been like for me to go through someone so awful so late in pregnancy, and then go on to give birth to a wonderful and healthy child just a few weeks later. To go from utter despair and sadness, to complete elation - It's a total mind fuck. It feels wrong, I'm feeling guilty for feeling happy and not grieving like everyone else.
Has anyone else been in this situation or similar? How did you deal? I don't even know if what I'm feeling right now is normal or if I'm just a selfish, horrible person.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.
Bereavement
Conflicting feelings. Grief, guilt and a new baby.
3 replies
imwithspud · 13/06/2015 22:50
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.