Has anyone experience of burying ashes that they could share?(9 Posts)
I am due to bury my brothers ashes at the ground of the football club he loved. There will be a very small group of close friends.
I 'm just not sure what to say or do - I don't want it to turn into a full-blown ceremony but feel we should do something. I have an appropriate but light poem to read.
Any other ideas of what we could do? ( We have already had a full funeral service and reception although that was a year ago)
When we did this for a family member, everyone in the gathering (about 12 altogether) dug a spadeful of earth over the box of ashes which I felt was a meaningful 'goodbye' gesture. We just had a reading and a prayer, but if your brother didn't have a faith a couple of readings would work well. You could then gather somewhere and raise a glass to him.
We did this for my mum, but there was no reading/ ceremony of any kind as it was a couple of days free her memorial service. Dad & I lowered the ashes on a piece of wool (that caught on the Velcro on my shoe!), we all exchanged hugs & went for a coffee.
Sorry for your loss.
It doesn't have to be complex, but sometimes something with a structure helps....
1) Gathering and Purpose - can be a sentence e.g. "Those of us closest to x have to a place that her loved to scatter his ashes"
2) Relevant Words - maybe a poem, the words of a favourite song, or a tribute written to him on a card... e.g. "x was lively, courageous and funny, so what better than to read 4 lines from his favourite comedian...."
3) The Meaningful Act - the scattering or burying of the ashes, also maybe each person silently placing a flower in the football colours, or placing a tea light, or a sparkler.... or anything else meaningful
4) Something to Close - an act of letting go and moving away and moving on. e.g. "x lives on forever in our hearts and our memories" maybe something to take away. At my Dad's ceremony we had a bunch of flowers and everyone took one away with them to brighten their day.
We didn't bury my FIL ashes, but scattered them underneath some rhododendron bushes overlooking his most favourite spot in Cornwall.
There were 4 adults and 6 children at the time and it was truly lovely - OH and his sister said a few words each - basically just a happy memory about their dad and the children shouted 'miss you pop'. Sounds ridiculous writing it down but it was so much more meaningful than the ceremony for my MIL whose ashes ended up who knows where in the crematorium. It's lovely to look at the rhododendron bushes now - the children refer to it as pop's bush!!
We've just scattered my dads ashes under a bush in Cornwall. It was the pub garden where we had our wedding reception( we live a long way from Cornwall and had a big family holiday when we got married). We left him with the Celtic blessing we had had at the wedding and dd said love you grandad. It was nice to know he was somewhere he loved to be.
We scattered DGran's ashes over the sea where she used to holiday (near extended family) and loved her "swims" (she gave up swimming at roughly 88, and agreed at 93 to have her second knee replacement done as she finally accepted she wouldn't swim again - the already replaced knee floated up on her and she needed to put one leg down on the ground to get out of the sea!).
Wider family stayed onshore on the pier, while a few of us went out in a small fishing boat. DGran's 3 DCs, her closest cousin locally, her eldest DGC (who was also a Goddaughter), my DB who hadn't made it home (from far side of the world) for her funeral, the DGGC who was present (there were 5 more but all overseas) etc - about 14 on the boat.
Apart from a laugh about getting the can open, needing a screwdriver, and DG's eldest DC and the DGGC working on that together (and then both getting a sprinkle of ashes as it popped open unexpectedly!), it was a somewhat funny and somewhat sad occasion. There were 2 "readings" said - one an actual bible reading and the other more a reflection. Eldest DC made a very short few words about her DM. Ashes were scattered and a few flowers thrown over as well. Then we said a decade of the rosary and had a piece of music played on a stereo that DGM loved.
Those onshore were close enough to hear some of what was said, but not all. But it was more of a happy sort of occasion than the funeral had been. Then we all went to a local pub for food, and back to the hotel where the DCs and their families wandered around the town (shopping, coffee etc) and then had dinner together, going home the following day.
I agree with others that you need to have a closing thing else you all end up standing round not knowing when it's OK to talk etc. A toast? or a song?
Another rather grim thing I wished someone had warned me about was how heavy Ashes are. It's logical of course when you think about it but I remember being quite shocked and it played on my mind a lot during our little ceremony - we buried my brother's Ashes in the memorial garden of his old school.
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