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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Is it acceptable to take a week off after parent has died

27 replies

als30 · 02/02/2015 13:24

Dad passed away on Thursday there after a sort battle with cancer is it acceptable to take this week off work?
I work evenings part time Ive heard rumours that it's 3 days for a partner child etc I want to take this week as funeral is Wednesday and there's a viewing tomorrow want to make sure my mums ok wouldn't feel right leaving her and heading to work for a few hrs not yet anyway xxx

OP posts:

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OnceUponATimeAgain · 02/02/2015 13:34

you need to play it by ear with work/and check their policy

we get 1 day for step parents/5 dass for parents

- my DSD passed away on New Years Eve, but the funeral/cremation wasnt until the 28th Jan - i couldnt be off until then

I used one days compassionate after finding out, and then one for the funeral and one for the day after as would be emotionally exhausted

hope that helps in some way

Baddz · 02/02/2015 13:35

Of course it is.
Im sorry for your loss.

OnceUponATimeAgain · 02/02/2015 13:46

You definately need to be asking your workplace my love xx

TheRealMaryMillington · 02/02/2015 13:48

I'm so sorry

Ask them what their policy is re compassionate leave. It is sometimes only 3 days. You may need to take unpaid leave or annual leave if you need more time.

take care

als30 · 02/02/2015 14:30

I've heard it's meant to be 3 days for a close family member ie parents children siblings but your not entitled to anything if it's a grandparent or aunt/uncle superviser had a week off not long ago so I'm sat thinking why can't I im going to be in no fit state to see anyone especially tomorrow or Wednesday xx

OP posts:

Jenda · 02/02/2015 14:53

sorry for your loss OP

My dad died 3 weeks ago and I took a full week of. It was my last week in the company so I wasnt busy but policy was never mentioned, was told to take what I needed. They even let me delay starting my new job by a week so I could stay with them while I sorted things out and could have a "nice" last few days with my colleagues. I think I was extremely lucky and can't see how 3 days would be adequate. I wasnt particularly close to my Dad but was surprised by the sheer exhaustion I felt. I felt like I was drugged up and would not have been able to work effectively

HarlotOTara · 02/02/2015 14:56

I would go to the GP and see about being signed off. 3 days for a close family bereavement is no time at all.

I am sorry for your loss

expatinscotland · 02/02/2015 14:59

Get signed off. 3 days is no time at all when it comes to losing a parent.

als30 · 02/02/2015 15:02

I agree it's not right 3 days one lassie was told she wasn't due anything cause her gran had passed on and that she hadn't long started xx

OP posts:

x2boys · 04/02/2015 18:52

I agree get signed off I work in the nhs and the have a compassionate leave policy similar to the one you have described its not unusual for people there for to be signed off sick at this time sorry for your loss

Heels99 · 04/02/2015 18:55

Yes it is normal to have a week. If you need longer get your gp to sign you off. I work in hr we often have people signed off gps put 'bereavement reaction' on the sick note. Sorry for your loss, please don't worry about taking time off.

Heels99 · 04/02/2015 18:57

Just to add, just because an emp,over gives three days compassionate leave for bereavement doesn't mean that employees can't take longer through holiday sick time etc, it just means that compassionate leave itself in,y lasts 3 or 5 days or whatever. My employer gives no official paid compassionate leave but of course people take time off.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 05/02/2015 06:05

I took a week. My workplace asked no questions and in fact requested extra days on my behalf (which I got).

I'm sorry for your loss

ShadowSpiral · 05/02/2015 06:38

Sorry for your loss.

You do need to speak to your work and find out what their policy is though.

My work also has an official 3 day compassionate leave policy for close family members, but our managers do have some scope for discretion - one colleague whose parents live abroad is currently on a week's paid compassionate leave after her father was suddenly taken seriously ill. They'll also usually let employees take extra unpaid leave in addition to the compassionate leave in these circumstances.

Gooseysgirl · 05/02/2015 06:45

Everyone is different... you should take as long as you feel you need and get signed off on sick leave if needs be. Sorry for your loss

ISingSoprano · 05/02/2015 06:56

I lost my dad at the beginning of January too. Our policy at work is up to ten days for a first degree relative. I aactually took five days including the day of the funeral. With hindsight I should have taken a few more days - especially the day after the funeral. My colleagues have been fantasticand there was no pressure from them.

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Look after yourself.

VivaLeBeaver · 05/02/2015 06:59

I'm sorry about your dad.

My dad died end of nov a year ago and I didn't go back till after new year. gP signed me off, no way could I have gone into work....I was crying all the time. My step mum went back to work quite quickly but she felt she needed to be busy, and also has lovely, supportive colleagues. Where as I have a stressful job which makes me want to cry at the best of times! Do what you need to do.

nooyearnooname · 05/02/2015 07:16

We get 3 days, 5 if you're organising the funeral. I had a recent close bereavemant and although I was only entitled to 3 days which I used for the funeral and just after, my boss let me take 2 days last minute holiday leave immediately after it happened so I could go and spend time with my family. If you have a nice boss it shouldn't be a problem, they usually have some discretion as to what to allow.

Sorry about your dad, look after yourself

CrazyTights · 05/02/2015 07:18

We get three days and aren't allowed to take any holiday so we have to phone in sick if we need more :(

MrsDumbledore · 05/02/2015 07:28

Check the policy with your employer, and then when any paid compassionate leave they offer has run out, definitely see your gp to be signed off sick if you do not feel up to returning. That shouldn't be a problem if you are emotionally unable to face work. You could also consider using some annual leave or asking for unpaid leave, but you should have to. Where my fil was dying and my mil needed time off first to look after him and then then grieving, her lovely boss actually suggested straight away she go to the gp as she was entitled to far more paid sick leave than paid compassionate leave.
So sorry for your loss.

EBearhug · 05/02/2015 07:34

Official policy with us is 3 days, and if you're organising the funeral and executing the will, that's nothing like enough, just for the practical stuff, let alone the grieving. My GP had no hesitation in signing me off with grief-related stress.

But it's also down to manager's discretion, so a colleague has just been off for 6 weeks (her father was overseas, so she also had some logistical challenges.)

GoooRooo · 05/02/2015 07:36

My husband took a week of when his father died. His firm made him take it all as holiday

poisonedbypen · 05/02/2015 07:52

Every company will have a different policy. Yours should be available from HR. Sorry about your dad:(

smugmumofboys · 05/02/2015 08:01

My mum died suddenly (as in dropped down dead) in November. I was entitled to 5 days compassionate leave and then got myself signed off by my GP. I'm nowhere near right two months later. I work three days a week so all in all I was off for just under three weeks.

whatisforteamum · 05/02/2015 08:48

Hi OP so sorry for your loss.I checked my works policy it is 2-3 days.You can self cert for 1st weeks sickness or just see the gp.Mine have told me they can sign me off when my parents die.look after yourself xx.

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