Ok if I join here?

[Sallystyle]

A lot would have already read my situation.

My ex husband died 7 weeks ago today. We have three children together, all boys aged 14, 12 and 10. I was very close with him and good friends with his wife (widow now I guess I should say)

He had cancer, diagnosed 4 years ago but it kept coming back. He went into hospital and was told they could do no more for him and he had two weeks- two months to live. He lived for 16 days after the terminal diagnosis.

I saw him two days before he passed and he was laughing around and then the following day he became delusional then the next day he died.

I have been so busy supporting my children that it has only just hit me. Our marriage was pretty bad but we had a great relationship in the end, I still can't help looking back at the horrible things I said and did to him when we first split up though.

I dreamt he was alive last night and woke up and felt like someone had punched me in the stomach when I remembered he is gone.

My children are up and down, they have a lot of anger and sadness and things are getting harder now because most people no longer ask how they are, the phone calls have stopped and most people except those close to him have moved on so the support is slowly fading and they are now left to deal with the reality that their dad has gone.

Anyway, I just felt the need to type this out today. This is so hard, I sometimes feel out of my depth in dealing with this

[Mojito100]

Sometimes the externalisation if your thoughts/feelings is all you need. You probably don't need any advice from me other than to know I am here and listening.