I dont know if this is the right place to post as they havent actually recovered his body yet, but i cant talk to anyone about it in real life because of the mixed reactions im getting.
My dearest bestest friend of 15 years has finally succumbed to his mental health problems and killed himself.
We lived together for 5 years in our teens/early twenties, he is the only person that i could trust with my life.
In the time that ive known him hes had a pretty shit life to say the least, he grew up in care because his mother killed herself and his father and stepmum were abusive. He has self harmed for around 19years,
He also suffered from various mental health problems from anxiety to schizophrenia, BPD , body dysmorphia, depression to name a few.
2 years ago he beat cancer, but the chemotherapy caused him physical problems that he shouldnt have had to deal with at such a young age.
He has previously tried to kill himself 6/7 times in the time ive known him, but there are always big fat warning signs, he ALWAYS calls me and i always find him. He usually plans to be found. But this time he didnt.
25th February he left his flat, with a note, and disappeared. The police believe he has drowned himself, but they dont search the canal for suicides, so all we can do is wait.
We are facing potentially another 2 weeks of uncertainty as to his whereabouts. I dont actually know what we are meant to do.
I am fine for large parts of the day and then the guilt hits me and i cry for hours. I still have a job to hold down and 3 wonderful dc's to look after.
Im calling the police every day for news and they have none. Just wait is all they are telling me.
Its not really a massive suprise that he wont make old bones, we always expected to deal with this sooner rather than later, but now that its happened its so fucking hard to deal with.
Part of me is happy hes free from all the shit, part of me wants to know why he didnt call me, was he upset with me? should i have been there?
I dont really know where to go from here so if anyone has any advice id like to hear it. x
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My best friend has killed himself.
43 replies
Fleurdebleurgh · 05/03/2013 13:56
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