time to grieve

[CoffeeDog]

My mum died 2 weeks ago funeral was a couple if days ago. I feel like I haven't had a chance to say goodbye . My brother was at the funeral ( as He should have been ) which ment we spent our. Time there looking after him - I didn't hear a word the vicar said ;-( my brother has severe learning difficulties and kept asking if mum was in the coffin and when she would go to heaven .... then explaining about what He was having for lunch etc...... then repeating.

I have a 6 year old and twin 3 year olds at home I have no one who will take them for a few hours for me except dh but He leaves at 730 and isn't home till 630 He took a couple of weeks off when mum was in hospital but we just can't afford him any more time of .
He is looking after me but I just want to go away on my own and have a good cry ... I can't I still have 3 kids to het dressed to drag up the school washing / iroining to do and a flat to clean. The. twins are at nursery for a couple of hours a day but my dad wants us with him. To go to collect the card of the flowers at crem or to go through mums things . My sistrer has no children so she just does home and crys there - the kids worry if I cry . I haven't slept well in a fortnight - had this.cough cold.... the kids not sleeping and worrying about everything I just want to curl up and have a good sob.... the one thing I can't do ;-(

[Nobhead]

Oh I'm so sorry Coffee, you're having a really rough time. I don't have any advice really sorry but I didn't want to read and run, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you

[OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere]

I do understand. You need physical space to cry and it can be impossible to ind it with small children about.
I don't know what to suggest because I have the same problem.
It's been 6 yrs and I have never truly cried for my DD and now I can't cry at all.
So my advice would be do whatever it takes to get that time. Can you get someone to take the kids for he day? Get out you photos, put on some music and really, really cry and shout and sleep.
I know it sounds a bit staged but sometimes we have to schedule in time for this stuff.
I really really wish I had.
I am so sorry about our mum x