My mum died a week ago of heart failure and pleural effusion - she had been ill for a long time with a blood condition which meant she was severely anaemic and had fortnightly blood transfusions for the last two years. In recent weeks she had become very breathless. She was admitted to hospital with chest pains, and given painkillers and oxygen, but deteriorated over three days. She was only 75.
I live two hours away, and by the time I got to her bedside she was very confused. I'm finding it hard to forget her gasping for breath and her big frightened eyes when we first went in. She was very agitated, trying to pull the oxygen mask off, and trying to pull out a catheter. She was bleeding from where the needles were taped on her skin. The nurses gave her morphine and she spent the last few hours in relative peace, but I'm not sure she knew by that stage that we were all there with her - my dad, brother, DH and I.
I whispered to her over and over again that we were there, that we loved her, that she would soon feel better (we knew she was dying and would then be out of pain). Compared to the trauma that some people go through, I know I need to be grateful that she was pretty much unconscious for the last few hours but I'm having terrible trouble worrying that (a) she was in pain and distress and (b) she didn't know we were there.
Has anyone had the same experience? How do you cope?
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Help me cope with watching my mum in distress before she died
24 replies
TheFarSide · 24/10/2011 22:18
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