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For those that have sadly lost a new born baby, how long did it take for you hold another baby in your arms?

(5 Posts)
Mylittlebubble Fri 30-Sep-11 20:39:44

My baby boy was still born at 35 weeks, 3 weeks ago. The past 3 weeks have been so hard for us but I know this is only the start of our grieving journey.

One of the things I am really finding hard is being near new or tiny babies. I have even left shops if I hear one crying nevermind actually seeing one. I am contently avoiding looking around me when I am out and avoid situations when a new baby might be around.

My question is for anyone out there who has also lost a baby. How long did it take for you to feel comfortable being around new born babies or even got to the point of holding one? At the moment I feel like I will never want to hold another baby in my arms, as I can still feel my son in my arms I do not want to lose that feeling.

OvO Fri 30-Sep-11 20:45:16

I'm so so sorry you have lost your son.

My DS2 was stillborn and I didn't hold another baby until my DS3 was born just under a year later. If my DS3 had taken a lot longer to arrive I think I still wouldn't have held another baby. Well not for at least a few years. I was the same as you and wanted to keep that feeling of holding my DS2 and not have it rubbed out by someone else's baby.

Mylittlebubble Sat 01-Oct-11 08:33:32

*ovo *thanks for your reply. That is how i feel and even thinkin g i don't want to hold another baby until it's mine.

upsydaisysexstylist Sat 01-Oct-11 09:22:58

3 weeks is no time at all. Our dd was stillborn at 34wks and The first baby I held was ds. But, did gradually find it easier to be around other peoples babies. Please be kind to yourself there is no normal for you at the moment and every reaction is valid. My dp burst into tears because boots don't charge you for developing photos of your dead children ( felt he had to warn shopworker of content) and I only just restrained myself from having a go at a smoking pregnant woman.

nickschick Sat 01-Oct-11 09:32:55

My Mil lost her ds2 in 1967 (ish) her ds1 married and had 3 dc and she managed to avoid the newborn stage (they lived away and the wife and his mum didnt get on anyway) she managed a lovely relationship with her dgc when they were a bit older and it did get better and better.

She was like you describe for many many years and it made her so ill and limited her doing lots of things as time passed she was a bit more tolerant but not 'normally so'.

So when her divorced ds met me and we had our own ds,unfortunately he was v ill when born and in SCBU- he rang his Mum as hed been warned things werent good - she did 3 things he never thought he'd see again v late at night she got in a taxi,she went in the maternity unit and she then came into scbu and touched her newborn grandson,things worked out ok for us ds1 is a law student with no ill effects from his birth - I thank God every day for that but last week my friend had her baby and she was put in the same scbu unit and I was asked to visit - the fear and panic I felt going back there was really scarey and thats nothing to what youve been through,Im so desperately sorry for your loss and I dont know how to say it eloquently but I hope your heart is able to heal soon.
sad.

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