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living overseas and dad very very ill

(7 Posts)
platanos Mon 06-Jun-11 17:20:16

For over a year my dad has been losing weight, all sorts of tests run on him and concluded there was something up with his pancreas. At easter he had a stroke and was in hospital where all a whole new battery of tests were run again. It´s a long story, but it turns out he has liver cancer. He is too weak to operate and probably too weak for chemo. The drs are still looking at options, but it´s looking bleak.

I spoke to him today after I had heard the latest news from my mother and was trying to hold back tears on the phone. He´s a three hour flight from me. I´m planning to visit in August but with 3 small dc and a dh who is travelling lots it´s hard to get away for long.

I don´t know how to deal with it all...I'm just in tears all the time. I worry that when I go to see him I will just break down, but want to be strong for him too. I find it so hard being so far from the rest of the family....

MightyAphrodite Mon 06-Jun-11 17:34:04

I know how you feel sad. My mum is ill too and I'm over 3 hours away by plane. Concentrating on my family here keeps me on track and I phone nearly every day. I'll be seeing her in a couple of weeks, and I'm trying to prepare myself to be as positive as possible. I think you'll find the strength when the time comes. I hope your dad's not in pain.

platanos Mon 06-Jun-11 19:12:10

Thanks for replying and so very sorry to hear about your Mum.What has your mum got?

At the moment I can´t even speak on the phone without crying, or holding back tears. Have to work on that one.

How long are you going to spend with her? I hope it is a special time together for you both, in spite of it being so very hard.

MightyAphrodite Mon 06-Jun-11 21:28:40

She's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We'd suspected for a year or so that she was more than normally forgetful, but after the doctor gave us the official diagnosis it took me days to get myself back together and start operating 'normally'. My brother's flying over to Greece with her so she can have a nice holiday while she's still got some quality of life. I can't describe what it feels like to know that she's not the Mum who brought me up any more. I was away when my Dad passed away, too.

Thanks for your kindness.

bibbitybobbityhat Mon 06-Jun-11 21:31:23

Go as soon as you can. You may cry in front of him and the rest of the family, but that's perfectly alright. Stress to your dh that you may not have many more opportunities to see him, do everything you can to see him asap.

sh77 Wed 08-Jun-11 16:26:17

So sorry you are going through this. I agree with bibby. Go as soon as you can. Dh will always travel, kids will always be difficult - there will never be a right time. Plan your trip carefully, expect it will be a hard journey. It will be worth it. My heart breaks for you. Hope you will be reunited with your father very soon.

platanos Thu 09-Jun-11 05:49:32

That´s really hard Mighty - and sorry to hear about your father too.

thank you for your kind messages. I spoke to my brother yesterday evening and the situation is worse than I thought - few months to go :-(.

You are right to tell me to go asap...I am going as soon as I can. Have to get some time off work but that should not be a problem given the circumstances.

Thank you again.

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