Humiliation at the school BBQ

[spidermama]

I was sipping wine, chatting and really enjoying the school BBQ this afternoon, feeling uplifted to be living in such a great neighbourhood with lovely people. I was enjoying a sense of calm to think my kids were in such good company.

Little did I know my DS (5), meanwhile, was in the gym hall watching the entertainer and shouting 'We hate you clown' and getting up to bang on his suitcase during the show. A PTFA friend sought me out in the playground, AFTER the event to let me know. (I wish she had let me know earlier so I could've dealt with it at the time).

I witnessed a similar event last summer (boys on stage hitting and shouting at the clown) and remember looking round in shock thinking,
'Where are their parents?'.

I'm so embarrassed. He's a good kid normally.

What would you do? How can I make him realise what he has done?

[Lonelymum]

That is what we have kids for SM - to be humiliated by them. Have you talked to ds about it and asked him why he was doing what he was doing?

[gigglinggoblin]

if it was not explained that parents were supposed to be watching kids i would expect teachers to control the situation. he is only 5 fgs! maybe the clon was rubbish? i would gently tell him thats notr a good thing to do but not worry about it tbh, there are much worse things he could have been doing!

[skerriesmum]

I feel for you spidermama as it must have been embarrassing but at the same time it sounds really funny, like something out of Little Britain (not as nasty, you know what I mean.) Thanks for the laugh!

[Emod]

lol

was he wearing a dress?

honestly I think its funny and don't worry

[spidermama]

Yes we've both had a stern word. Also he got no stories tonight. I've watched other boys do this and really felt dislike for them and been shocked. Am I over-reacting then?

[Janh]

Was it just him though, spidey? I'd be amazed if it was.

[Janh]

No, you're not over-reacting, I would have done the same; but I bet he didn't start it, and you know what kids are like for joining in.

You have made it clear to him how shocked and cross you are and with luck he will have learned a lesson.

[spidermama]

No. Apparently there were a few doing it. That makes it a bit better I must say. But I think it resonates more because his Dad's an actor.

[Emod]

clowns are essentially wrong

[Lonelymum]

I should think he was being egged on by other children - most disruptive children are. Away from his peer group, I should think he feels pretty ashamed of himself, wouldn't you? All you can do is express your disapproval and perhaps get him to see that he probably upset the clown.

I am not condoning his behaviour, but boys will be boys. He just went a bit too far.

[Lonelymum]

Sorry my post was a bit late coming!

What I mean to say is, if you have told him how disappointed you are with his behaviour, he will probably think twice before doing something similar again.

[spidermama]

I didn't see the clown but I don't think he was a scarey clown.

My dh was a clown once during our student years hired by Bexleyheath Council in South London. He was told he'd be performing to 4-5 year olds. When he turned up they were more like 8-9 year olds and his material was completely unsuitable. He was absolutely slaughtered while the mums stood at the back smoking and shouting, 'Oi! Leave the Fahkin' clown alone'. Hilarious now of course, but deeply humiliating at the time.

[spidermama]

Thanks LM I hope you're right. I wondered about not letting him see the next clown show, or is that OTT?

[hercules]

I wouldnt worry about it and I wouldnt stop him seeing another clown show. Kids get carried away in front of other kids. You've explained to him it was wrong, not much more you can do.

[hercules]

It's not humliliation either!

[spidermama]

Emod no dress on the offending ds, but his younger brother (the infamous Spiderboy) begged to be allowed to wear a dress. Before my thread on the matter I'd have let him, but feared teasing and scorn. Had to compromise on a fairy skirt around his boy outfit. Warned him about the reaction. Yes he was teased but no he didn't care.

[Lonelymum]

SM!! You turncoat!! I thought you said you would not bow to the public's prejudices?

[spidermama]

I never thought it would happen. Only a small concession though.

[marthamoo]

I'm sorry - I know it's not funny but...I hate clowns too.

You've tackled it - I wouldn't think about it any more. All the other parents - rather than judging you - will have been quietly thankful it wasn't one of theirs!

[spidermama]

Always happy to be of service Marthamoo.

[Emod]

bless

although anti boys/dresses have become quite fond of spiderboy

[QZebra]

What a good thread for a Saturday night....

[marthamoo]

Mind you, I have to say...what do you expect when you tell them the facts of life and let them wear dresses ?

[Lonelymum]

Perhaps we should recount our tales of humiliation at the hands of our children to make SM feel better about her day.