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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

2.9 yo DD - is this behaviour within the bounds of normality?

16 replies

lucasnorth · 26/10/2009 11:50

So, I thought we had been spared toddler nightmares. But now I am at my wits end

She used to have a tantrum (by which I mean ten to thirty minutes of hysterical crying) about once a week. Which I could deal with.

The last few days we have had three or four a day. All about ridiculous things - e.g. 'I want to hit the baby'. 'I want to have gone to the shop' (after we're home already) etc etc. I've always tried to reason with her, and before now it's worked, but no longer. I am actually looking forward to her going to nursery for the afternoon, which I feel terrible about. Who took away my cheerful baby and brought this screamer?!

The worst thing is that she's doing it at night too (somewhere around 3am-5am) and then I have no idea at all what it's about, and she can't explain either.

We went on holiday a couple of weeks ago, so I think maybe it's that her routine has been disrupted. But how long is it going to take to get back in to it again?

So - is this normal, to suddenly start tantrum-ing when almost three years old? Or should I be worrying that there's some kind of underlying problem (no temperature, she says nothing hurts, so I'm thinking more like some emotional problem she can't explain)?

I think I'm going to try showering her with attention for the next couple of days and see if that helps, but any other suggestions gratefully received.

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colditz · 26/10/2009 11:52

yep. Normal, she's probably just tired.

Personally I wouldn't shower her with attention while she's throwing a tantrum./

colditz · 26/10/2009 11:52

Don't forget the clocks have changed which will have screwed her routine up.

VineGruesomeTits · 26/10/2009 11:59

Yes my once chilled out 3 yr old has recently started doing this, over ridiculous things like not wanting me to get in the shower (i ignored and carried on as usual) then screaming at me because i got out of the shower

lucasnorth · 26/10/2009 12:23

Thanks for responses. Sorry for the delay in replying - you can guess what was happening...

To clarify, I was going to shower with attention when not tantrum-ing, to try and avoid it happening. When she's in full flow I sit with her on my knee (without talking much to her) until she calms down although I might try putting her in her room, to see if that calms her down quicker.

I hadn't though about the clocks changing but it's a good point. There was a two hour time difference to where we were on holiday so that adds up to a lot. Although she's been going to bed without too much fuss at the usual time, and getting up usual time too. Gah.

Glad to hear we're not alone VineGruesomeTits. Have you been completely ignoring? Does it show any signs of working?

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lucasnorth · 26/10/2009 12:24

Off to cook lunch now. Will be back tonight.

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VineGruesomeTits · 26/10/2009 13:08

Yes ignoring is working, the tanturms are getting shorter, i just put him in a safe place and continue doing what i was doing, he comes round eventually

This morining he got out of his bed and hit me, so i told him to apologise and ignored him until he did, took about 10 mins then he came and said sorry

puffylovett · 26/10/2009 13:12

We have similar issues, for us it's always around bedtime and has been since the birth of DS2. Completely relate to Vinegartits ! We had a half hour tantrum the other day because he refused to get in the bath. Then another one when he refused to get out of the bath

I tend to cuddle him through the tantrums then he says sorry at the end if needed.

I find he's much better if he's had some quality one on one time with me during the day, plus not much telly, plus me putting him to bed, not DP.

bananabrain · 26/10/2009 19:47

DS1 had much worse tantrums aged between 2 3/4 and 3 1/2 or so. I'm sure it's normal. If it's any consolation it does end eventually - now I've just got it to look forward to with ds2 who is approaching that age now. Apart from checking for hunger/thirst/tiredness it seemed to be that ignoring was best, then talking to him once the tantrum was over. I found that attempting to put DS1 into another room made things worse.
DS1 also had strange night tantrums/terrors. Sometimes it would start off like a terror and he seemed to be asleep, then I think he woke up and it turned into more like a tantrum. Other times it was just like a tantrum from the start, but still hard to tell if he was really awake. We always found that in the middle of the night he responded best when we were there but stayed quietly nearby ready for when it all stopped. Any intereference made it far worse! Phew, they were exhausting at times.

Lionstar · 26/10/2009 19:52

sounds like our house. Glad to hear it might end one day!

lucasnorth · 29/10/2009 12:16

Glad we're not the only ones. Roll on 3 1/2!! We've had a terrible couple of days which is why I've not been online. I'm now on the laptop in the car outside my house, because I resorted to driving around to get her to sleep
Thanks all for solidarity...

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lucasnorth · 29/10/2009 12:18

Just to clarify, I am parked outside my house

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smileyboy · 29/10/2009 17:34

Been there. My ds only fgoes to sleep in the day if I drive him or walk around for ages in th pushchair. Fine at bedtime though but I find I need that break away from him and he desperately needs daytime sleep so it works for us (dispite being terrible for the environment).

He has tantrums over exactly the same things as yur dd. He is nearly 2 and half.

JimmyMcNulty · 29/10/2009 20:14

I hope it's normal as my 3.3 yo started behaving the same way a couple of months before turning 3. I have posted about his interesting tantrums before, the most notable being his distress at the fact that things get smaller when he eats them... [heavy sigh]. It's been 5 months. It must end soon. Right?

JimmyMcNulty · 29/10/2009 20:18

Oh and we have the tantrums at night as well (though they go through phases and we haven't had one for 2 weeks now, fingers crossed) - his knee hurts, he doesn't like his pyjamas, he doesn't want his bunny's nose to be pink. Sometimes we can get no reason out of him at all. Inconsolable for half an hour, usually.

Luckily, ds2 (13 weeks) sleeps like a log .

toddlerama · 29/10/2009 20:21

Sounds normal to me. DD1 is 2.3 and tantrums over wanting to hold everything. 'wanna hold it' is all I hear recently. The phone I'm talking on, the pushchair with DD2 in, the toothbrush, the hairbrush, the cup, the cloth, anything. She must hold them all and smile at them like Gollum. Then wont give them back without a tantrum.

SPOOKasnorth · 29/10/2009 20:33

Jimmy - snap. dd2 is 18 weeks and sleeps through. Perhaps it's some sort of function of age plus new-sibling-anxiety?

I'm illogically consoled by the fact that so many others have late-onset tantrums too. Wine is also helping

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