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DS, 4, hitting at school

(7 Posts)
thesunandtherain Tue 13-Oct-09 13:20:25

DS is a June birthday, and is doing half days at the moment. When I picked him up his teacher asked me for a word. At playtime he apparently hit two (Yr 3) children. When spoken to by the playground staff, he ran off, as he did when his teacher spoke to him.

He then threatened to hit the members of staff, ran off and was basically horrible. He did eventually apologise, but took ages to calm down and was kicking out and aggressive.

What to do? He can be a lovely, friendly, kind boy, who others gravitate to as he is lively and funny and caring. When he 'turns' though he behaves like a toddler on a bad day, except he is four. He knows it is not acceptable to do this, but he just loses it. It is worse when he is tired or hungry, but neither of these are the reason for his behaviour - it is just an aspect of his personality/maturity.

I am sure 'this too will pass', but what can I do to help him (and myself) in the meantime? I feel very upset that he behaves like this sometimes. He does have an older brother and they do fight, but no more than any other brothers I don't think. He doesn't watch anything like Power Rangers or that kind of thing. When he gets cross though, there really is no talking/dealing with him.

Any and all advice/support really welcomed sad

lljkk Tue 13-Oct-09 14:12:28

Aww, he's only 4yo. You need to work on the issue, obviously, but he's only little! This sort of thing happens to a lot of little boys. The school wants you take it seriously, but please don't take it to heart (ie, feel like it's some massive parenting failure on your part). My own DS2 is fueled by testosterone, too, but for some reason he doesn't hit out at school (yet, I expect the day will come).

Just plug away at him, work with the school's suggestions, talk to him about his feelings and how things develop, what impulses are driving him. Back up how school wants to deal with it because they have to fix things (like this) that happen on their watch.

buy1get1free Tue 13-Oct-09 16:17:52

He's 4 and a boy ... and we take them at this very young age, put them in class rooms, tell them to sit down, sit still and be quiet ... FGS !! Would we ask them to do this at home ? NO! is the bloody answer. Formal education at this ages does not respect the natural development of a boy (and some girls for that matter). It's a wonder any child survives it without permanent damage (slight exaggeration blush ), but I feel passionately that we do it all wrong in this country, but that's another thread. Meanwhile, it will pass and as he matures and 'falls in line', he will learn that there are consequences to his actions at school. Don't lose sleep over this - in my opinion, primary schools tend to come down hard on boys as they are mainly run by women ... most strange hmm

thesunandtherain Tue 13-Oct-09 20:33:45

Thank you both, your support very much appreciated smile.
School haven't suggested anything as a result of the incident, but obviously if they do, I will support them. I have been trying to iron out this sort of behaviour at home for ever though - I am just hoping he will grow out of it.
buy1 - I agree totally with what you say. He does not yet 'fit' school in the same way his brother did when he started - his brother is a sept baby and altogether more mature.
It is a question of maturity, but how to ride it out, how to help ds2 not get a reputation for being a thug etc? I am less worried about how ds2 will cope as he is a confident chap and seems to brush things off and bounce back - not sure if this is a good or a bad thing smile

lljkk Wed 14-Oct-09 14:52:34

If the school don't particularly want you to deal with it (say anything they want you to do) then he's far from a thug. There are probably much worse (alas) in his year group.

thesunandtherain Fri 16-Oct-09 16:39:53

Thanks lljkk.

He may not be the worst in the class, but that doesn't count for much - his behaviour is still unacceptable. His teacher says he just gets very angry, and can't control himself. I have to say I didn't see any children behave like DS2 when I helped in DS1's reception class sad.

So, any anger management tips for four year old boys? He isn't really able to reflect on his own behaviour, or deal with anything that isn't in the here and now yet.

It is very hard - when calm, he is lovely, very charming. He just can't control his frustration. His behaviour is inherently bordering on the wild, so he is told no at home - a lot - he know what it means, he just doesn't do as he is told sad. Help!

thesunandtherain Sat 17-Oct-09 22:05:19

Any Saturday night advice smile?

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