discipline 3 yo DD

[pawre]

Hi please help! My 3 year old DD has been driving me insane lately. Seems like ever since she turned 3. She will not do as she's told. She won't listen and is constantly messing around. It is also about her testing boundaries and being independent. But it's winding me up since it happens everyday! I know we should praise her more for good behaviour but I haven't seen any of those good days for weeks! Examples are just simple requests such as getting ready for bath, getting dressed etc.

I also have a 1 year old DS which is probably adding to my "lose it" state. It has come to shouting and me swearing under my breath and saying things I shouldn't say. Won't give you any examples! You must know where I'm coming from.......Please no suggestions on how I should deal with my stress. I'm doing things to solve it but it doesn't seem to be enough!

Also everyday it seems like she would have an episode of long crys basically a tantrum. Her tantrums have been getting worse since she turned 3 - not better!

So with the tantrums and not listening, is what it's been like! BTW, we do have the time out/naughty step already.

Any helpful tips? thanks.

[ineedalifelaundry]

Your dd sounds exactly like my niece. My sister has been trying this: When dn has a tantrum, sis says "when you've calmed down we will talk about what's wrong but you need to calm down first." then ignores tantrum. She's also been Reading "how to talk so your kids will listen" and says it's made a difference.

GTG

[ineedalifelaundry]

Sorry that should have been HTH!

[nondomesticgoddess]

We're in a similar situation here so I'm watching this with interest.

I try to ignore as much as I can but when you're in a mad panic trying to get out of the house and dd refuses to put on shoes, what do you do??

[slowreadingprogress]

I think the main thing that helped me when DS was three (which btw was his most challenging age, he calmed down a bit at 4 and alot by 5....) was looking at my expectations.

If you can change your expectations rather than the child's behaviour this is really helpful imo. One main expectation to bin first off, imo, is that the 3 year old will do as they are told. Why would they? Unless you're going to squash their spirit and terrify them into being submissive, which you're clearly not, why would they?

you have to give them a reason to do what you say, which is not always as simple as "Put your shoes on we're going out", to a 3 year old going out does not necessarily = shoes

therefore find another 'reason' eg make it a challenge for them. You need to play to what's motivating them not you; your motivation is, it is best to wear shoes to avoid frostbite/treading on glass/trip to a and e, etc etc but that is not part of the 3 year old's mindset!

DS loved being challenged to race me and that was a good reason to him to do stuff. Also making it part of his latest game - if they play imaginitively it's a gift to you because you can make the shoes part of an imaginary costume or something. Again, another 'reason' to him would be to assert himself and enjoy a frisson of slight 'naughtiness' so if I said "DS do not put those shoes on! No! whatever you do, step away from those shoes!!!" etc, then of course he couldn't resist putting them on

Sorry to bang on about the shoe analogy but it works with most stuff you want them to do

Another thing is to allow them to learn by experience. They don't want shoes on - fine, take them out and hold the shoes, they'll soon be asking for them when it's cold and uncomfortable and they've learned something too.

Obviously nothing works all the time, kids are all different and sometimes you're just not going to have the patience to fanny about but this worked for me with a challenging 3 yr old. HTH.

[ijustwant8hours]

Are you me?

I have recently started ds on a pasta jar reward system - I find it does help me to find something positive and reward it! If he does something good he gets a piece of pasta and if he does something naughty one gets taken away (after a warning). When he gets 20 pieces he gets a present.

Unfortunately its not working that well. Firstly he just wants to play with the pasta, so its a kind of virtual pasta jar in my head most of the time. Also he has started to trade bad behaviour for pasta, so he will do something naughty and tell me to take pasta away.....

I'm hoping it will bed down.....

Other than that I just shout ineffectually.

Oh, dd bit him the other day when he was mauling her and that stopped him in his tracks

[nondomesticgoddess]

slowreading - some good advice - thank you!

I'm off to use my imagination...