Jealousy in my 4yr old, How can I stop it?

[MuppetsMuggle]

Shes jealous of DP & I (mummy & daddy), DP is not allowed to get close to me for a cuddle is always pushing him away saying wants mummy only and mummy to do everything. its wearing me out and I want to know how to get it across to her that DP & I love each other so she needs to share mummy with daddy.

I'm running of patience rapidly with her screaming fits etc.

Advice is greatly appreciated.

[claw3]

Sounds like normal behaviour, the same kind of behaviour you would expect with a new sibling in the house.

How about you just you and DD have some 'special time' a time when it is just you and her each day and the same with dad and her, when you just have fun, even if its just 10 minutes a day. This way hopefully she will realise that she is special and its not a competition?

[MuppetsMuggle]

claw - thanks for replying.

We try and spend time with her together and on our own.

DD is with me 24hrs a day due to the school holidays. DP is at work most of the day and then normally comes home and makes dinner and trys to bath and put DD to bed, shes creating such a fuss at the moment its easier if I do it.

DP is always wanting to take her out for instance to the park but creates a fuss when she knows i'm not going. its really getting DP down and its upsetting me to see her behave in this way.

She knows we love her very much and we know she loves Daddy very much too.

[MuppetsMuggle]

bump

[claw3]

Have you tried sticking to your guns and not letting her dictate which one of you does what for her.

I seem to remember one of my older boys doing something similar when he was younger ie i dont want daddy to make me a drink, i want you to do it. My reply either let daddy do it or go without!

When she creates a fuss about going to the park, without you. Do you back down and go? I would be inclined to give her a choice ie you can either go to the park with daddy or not go at all.

Admittedly its easier to give in for a quiet life!

[MuppetsMuggle]

I try not to give in, as means she will overrule me iykwim, but at the moment I seem to be giving in alot more than I would like to, due to quite a few medical problems so will do alot of things for a quiet day if i'm feeling really bad, does get difficult when I can't keep getting up and down.

Although am trying to stick to my guns and if daddy doesn't do it then you don't have it at all.

[claw3]

Sounds like you are doing all the right things and hopefully it might just be a 'school holiday' thing which will stop when she goes back to school.

Just one more thought i usually tend to ignore screaming fits, but if its getting to point where you cant bear it, how about some time out for her?

[MuppetsMuggle]

she has what I call the naughty spot where she goes if shes naughty.
I have to be careful as if she doesn't calm down she eithers makes herself sick or stops breathing

[claw3]

Oh dear!

It must be hard disciplining with that worry. How about turning it into a game ie daddy is going to go and get you x and we will count to see how long it takes him?

or race daddy upstairs to the bath/bed?

[MuppetsMuggle]

I am willing to try anything TBH.

Shes not going to see Daddy or me now until monday - as going to a wedding (DP is best man).

Will try that when we get back.

Thanks Claw3

[claw3]

Oh lovely you will have a whole weekend to yourself and hopefully some cuddles without someone in the middle!

I have a 5 year old with special needs,so everything has to be turned into a game! Also distraction is another good strategy for screaming fits and tantrums.

Hope you have a lovely weekend x

[MuppetsMuggle]

Thanks I'm really looking forward to it. have a stunning outfit and had my hair done to make me feel good about myself so I should enjoy it. AM looking forward to cuddles without having to fight off DD

What do you use as good distraction strategys?

[elmofan]

hi muppetsmuggle , my dd (3) is the same at the moment , she wants me to get her everything , if dh or ds offer to get it she will scream " no mammy get it" , it is very tiring , likewise i give in for the sake of a peaceful life ,
hopefully it is just a phase , enjoy your weekend

[claw3]

Its good to spoil yourself and forget you are a mum for an evening.

For example my son will be throwing a tantrum and i will get out a book or a game he likes and start playing or reading and he cant resist but to want to join in. Put on a DVD i know he loves. Or even stand at the window and say 'wow look at that, did you just see that bird or plane or whatever'. 'Im going to the garden to bounce on the trampoline, do you want to come'Basically whatever you feel will work for you and DD.

[claw3]

But i would add the best way is to try and avoid the tantrum, once they start it is hard to stop.

For example you know dd will have a tantrum if you and your partner try to be affectionate with each other, i think its normal for a 4 year old to want to be in the middle of you, so how about including her ie a game again, take turns to give daddy a kiss and a hug or both give daddy a tickle that turns into a cuddle.

[MuppetsMuggle]

will try those techniques thanks.

In someways I blame myself as I think on some level I give her too much attention so when i take it away and only briefly she throws a tantrum.

[claw3]

You shouldnt blame yourself, your dd has a medical condition that makes most general discipline inappropriate for you to use. If she stops breathing when upset, you must be walking on egg shells.

[MuppetsMuggle]

i have to smack her or give her a jolt to make her breathe

takes ages for her to calm down too.