just need reassurance from you all

[Donbean]

You know, my ds is ace. He is bright as a button but good grief what a handful!
He is difficult to manage in that he is, well, wild really.
We went on a trip today and he was constantly running off and he is so fast. He climbs out of what ever he is strapped into (booster seat,car seat, buggy and shopping trolley) and is wild, he runs off with no sense of danger whatsoever.
Ive got a wrist strap for him and a set of reigns but he goes bazerk and can get out of them.
The other people we went out with whose children are the same age (22 months there abouts) walked along side the parent and never ran off once, holding the parents hand and quietly looking at the stuff no problem at all.
This of course makes ds's behaviour 100 times more conspicuous.
OH GOD what am i going to do.
They must dread us turning up for stuff and must want to make arrangements without including us.
I have stopped going shopping with him, stopped eating out with him and am thinking of saying no to play dates from now on.
What do you think?

[debs26]

oh dear, ds1 and ds2 are 18 months apart and were demons when younger. they do improve! until they do what about having play dates at yours more often? talk to the other mums, they probably arent as worried about it as you are and i bet their little angels arent always so angelic

[mrsflowerpot]

He sounds exactly like my ds at that age. He was a serial absconder, would run off and never look round for me, and the more I ran after him the bigger the game in his mind.

I'm afraid I have no real advice except that you're right to avoid situations like shopping etc where it's going to be a nightmare, otherwise you'll feel like everything is a fight which is horrible. But I really, really wouldn't stop the play dates, they are so good for them (and a sanity saver for you too). Have a word with the other mums so they know what you're up against and see if you can meet in places where he can run off safely (enclosed parks etc) so that you aren't always legging it after him and getting worked up about it. Otherwise you'll feel like you're forever telling him off.

It will pass - ds is 4 now and doesn't run away any more, although he still has loads of energy. The plus side is he is really really confident and not at all clingy. I really wish I had been a bit more sanguine about it all when he was the age your ds is - it did get me down and I spent lots of time telling him off which I regret utterly now.

[jamiesam]

Oh Donbean, that sounds so familiar. Ds1 is 3 1/2 and it's probably only been the last 9 months where his direction/speed has started to come under some external control! I always hated being the Mum whose child never did what he was told, never just walked along at chatting pace! It does get better. When ds1 was old enough for bribery, I gradually began to get some deals going with him. I also wanted to stop going out in public with him. I did (stop that is) but I knew it was wrong, because he had to get used to situations and how to behave. Ds2 is now 22 months, and thankfully generally does everything that ds1 wants to do, but he has a wilful, demonic streak and I suspect my days of peace are numbered....

[Donbean]

We have a lot of play dates at ours and i must admit that i do feel less anxious with this arrangement but it was just lovely to get out today to some one elses house because other peoples toys are always so much more interesting aren't they!?
We just seemed to have incident after incident and it makes me fed up.
My friends children are fab and thier behaviour seems far less extreme and better managed i think.
Im convinced that he will get better with time and i am no push over and wont hesitate to use all the punishment tricks at my disposal when appropriate, he is just too young at the moment for them to work.
SIGH
Thanks for your reply, im just whinging and having a moan thats all.

[Donbean]

And another thing....why oh why am i such a fat bird with all the quick, fast legging after ds i do in a day?????????????????

[mrsflowerpot]

I really, really feel for you as I do remember looking at all the other (apparently) totally docile toddlers pootling around never further than 2 feet from their mums as I legged it after speedy Gonzalez ds yet again. But these are now in several cases 4 year olds who howl at the pre-school doors when their mums leave them and won't try anything new unless they are hand held.

DS could also spot an open door at 100yards and be through it before I could catch him, which was a nightmare. It does get easier, you learn to assess everywhere for escape routes almost without thinking - anywhere I go I find I check the perimeter to see if he can get out! still, even though he doesn't do it any more. And like I said, just pick where you go. Toddler groups were hard work because people are in and out (and some other parents are staggeringly inept at noticing open doors and even small children running through them), but short organised sessions like music classes and gym classes were great for him. Soft play is good because they can go nuts in an enclosed space - as long as you can see the door, you know they're in there somewhere! And small playgrounds which are fenced in are good too.

I did have to LOL at your 'fat bird' comment too. My MIL used to look at me very pointedly and say to ds 'your mother should be as thin as a rake with all the running around she does after you'. Subtext 'if she didn't fill her fat face all day long'

[Lonelymum]

Donbean I have this, but four times over. I am always moaning at my children and saying why can't you just walk alongside me normally like other children? It is so embarrassing going anywhere and having your child/ren playing around and getting in the way of others, isn't it? The supermarket is the worst. My four are capable of blocking the whole aisle with their high jinks. They range in age from 2 to nearly 9. I don't want to depress you, but it can go on sometimes.

But like you, I do think my children are bright as buttons, and your ds is going to turn into a lovely, bright, interesting adult in time so try not to despair. I would avoid shopping trips if you can but don't curtail his social activities as he is obviously very lively and needs stimulation.

[unicorn]

db.. I think this is more common than you think you know...
I have 2 very high energy kids (hardwork).I made many mistakes with dd, but have learned through them.
What I have done with ds (now 3) is limit the public or potentially dangerous places - but allow him to get rid of his 'wildness' in
the park (safe).
I also instilled in him from an early age that he could either walk- holing the buggy... otherwise
he would have to sit in it.
This has helped... but I totally understand your stress on this one.

[emily05]

Donbean, my ds is exactly the same. If he runs off now I give him one nice warning, if he carries on one firm warning, and then if he still doesnt listen to me a punishment (could be 2 minutes sitting on my lap, a toy take away, the most effective one was that I would put him in the buggy unless he walked next to me). If you keep punsihing him in the same way each time he does this (so he can predict the consequences) then he will learn.
x

[coppertop]

I could have written your posts, Donbean (including the "fat bird" one! ).

Ds2 is a little older (2.3yrs) but is known in our house as hyper-boy. He escapes from his pushchair and runs off while every other child seems to be marching sedately along. I avoid taking him out by myself whenever possible because it's just too stressful and downright dangerous. If you find the magic solution, pleeeease let me know. I've got to the point where I could quite happily tie his hands and feet together before venturing outside the house.

[Donbean]

Thanks every one i feel a little better about the whole thing.
I know that this is normal behaviour and that i have to ride the storm and just maintain safety as far as possible.
As some of you pointed out, he is such good fun, curious and has a great sense of adventure, i dont want to stiffle any of that.
It amazes me the geneous that it takes to calculate how to undo and escape from what must seem to him to be shackles!
We have amazing little kids dont we!
He is still a beast though, hooves and horns and pitchfork in hand must make escape an even bigger challenge !!!!