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how the hell do i stop my 14 month old doing the following

(18 Posts)
mrsjammi Mon 08-Jun-09 21:32:36

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cookielove Mon 08-Jun-09 21:34:35

for point 2 could you place him on the floor, on a bean bag, so it won't himself when he thrashes

cookielove Mon 08-Jun-09 21:35:12

won't hurt himself i meant

oneforward20back Mon 08-Jun-09 21:37:37

The buggy was my friend. My ds had major violent frustration tendancies and actually virtually knocked himself out head banging. When he was big enough to speak we got him shouting but whilst so little I double strapped him into the buggy and let him scream til he was done. Didn't stop temper but helped keep him safe. Also try travel cot but found ds knocked his head on metal struts.

The shouting is a pain but an important part of EVENTUALLY learning to control his own behaviour. I used to sit outside the back door withds parked in lounge and drink a coffee/ garden/ hang washing out whilst he tempered. It does get better but it seems endless til it does.

Gangle Mon 08-Jun-09 21:39:53

Oooh, watching this one with bated breath. I have a little monkey who has exactly the same tricks and am at a loss to know how to deal. I thought tantrums weren't supposed to kick in until 2?? My DS doesn't bite but it's impossible to get him to do anything he doesn't want to do and he always want to do the most dangerous/risky things, like throw himself downstairs, climb in water fountains etc. I see other toddlers holding their parent's hand and walking along nicely where I am usually running after mine as he wreaks havoc. I like to think he's spirited but it is so so wearing. Have just come back from a long weekend with him and DH and it honestly feels like we've come home war. Good luck!

mrsjammi Mon 08-Jun-09 21:45:43

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cookielove Mon 08-Jun-09 22:00:40

14 months is a little young for putting him a time out or on a naughty step, as by the time you take him off he prob won't remember why he went on in on the first place, maybe instead of saying no biting, no hitting, no pulling hair just say a clear firm no and put him down, then he has an instant reaction to the 'bad behaviour'. If that doesn't work you could just try distraction,

Gangle Mon 08-Jun-09 22:10:17

My DS laughes at me when I say no - for some reason he thinks it's hilarious so laughs and carries on doing whatever he was doing.

cookielove Mon 08-Jun-09 22:12:03

Gangle how old is ds?

Gangle Mon 08-Jun-09 23:22:54

14 months cookie.

mrsjammi Tue 09-Jun-09 16:21:34

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cookielove Tue 09-Jun-09 20:51:09

Gangl e-i do think it's really hard for that age to really understand what is right and wrong for example, but generally suggest reinforcing the clear rules, such as a firm no. If your ds laughs, can you remove him away from the situation and distract him with something else, or take away what ever he is doing that is dare i say it 'naughty'.

Katerina75 Tue 09-Jun-09 21:00:18

have a travel cot near where he usually plays and put him in there for time out?

Wholelottalove Tue 09-Jun-09 21:26:28

Hi, I have a DD nearly 14 months. I posted in another forum about her throwing tantrums and biting too. Some of the replies I got there were really interesting. This may seem a little radical but people were saying if it is something she wants to do which is not actively dangerous (e.g. throwing themselves downstairs) or destroying something you don't want her to (e.g. newspaper I've given her after reading fine to rip/chew, library book not ok) then just let them get on with it. The example with us was DD went through a phase of climbing on everything including the windowsill. Whenever we stopped her and said no it led to a tantrum. Eventually (supervised obviously) we let her get on with it and actually the novelty has worn off and she doesn't do much climbing anymore.

Just wondering whether there are any common triggers for the tantrums? E.g. DD always fiddles with the DVD player and at one point we were forever saying no to her about it, then she'd throw a paddy. I have tried to limit use of 'no' and 'don't' and distract her with something else instead (easier said than done but seems to work quite well). As I understand it most children aren't able to restrain themselves at this age from doing things so distraction is easier than saying no.

With DD biting/hitting I have tried ignoring it or if she really hurts me actually telling her that hurt. She seems to be easing up on it now so maybe it was just a phase. Someone advised me to remind her to 'kiss' rather than bite - never tried it on DD though.

Don't know if that helps at all.

Umlellala Tue 09-Jun-09 21:41:16

I was just going to throw in the idea of positive instructions.

It is incredibly hard for anyone, let alone tiny children to process a 'no' instruction. So try explaining what you would LIKE them to do instead.

So trying to say and show 'stroke gently', rather than 'stop poking the cat'. Or 'draw on the paper', rather than 'don't draw on the floor'. And yes, 'kiss', mwah! (happy, upbeat). Doesn't mean you don't necessarily say 'no biting' too, but that the positive instruction is the focus. Much easier to praise too when they've done it!

twinmam Tue 09-Jun-09 21:56:53

Am having some limited success with my tantrum queen dd2 (16 mo). She has been throwing major tantrums since before she was one, flinging herself backwards, screaming, thrashing etc. She really does like to get her own way and will react this way if she doesn't want to go in her highchair or pushchair or if stopped from doing something she wants to do. Interesting what you say umlellala about positive instruction. I tried with the 'no' stuff and she does respond well to a gentle no when in a good mood, ie 'no, don't touch the radiator' kind of thing. Once she's into tantrum zone however it can seem as if she's unreachable and I worry about her hurting herself or ahving some kind of fit as she goes bright red in the face and a little vein pulses in her neck - it's hideous! Recently when she has kicked off e.g. when I've been trying to get her in her highchair I've said 'DD2, look at mummy' and made eye contact with her. I then say 'You will go in your highchair as that's where you have your food and then you'll have something lovely to eat'. Likewise, 'You will have your nappy changed so that you are nice and clean and then you can play' I say it in a very firm but calm way. Amazingly she has responded really well to this. She does have v good language skills I think but it is also about the tone of voice, as if she knows when I mean it. Once she does comply I pile on the praise big time saying 'Mummy is SO pleased with you, what a GOOD GIRL' followed by lots of kissing etc. She still has dreadful tantrums but if I catch her in time I can sometimes divert her and it seems I have been giving her positive instruction without even realising it grin

mrsjammi Wed 10-Jun-09 09:26:27

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Umlellala Wed 10-Jun-09 10:09:24

Twinmam, that sounds great. Positive instruction doesn't mean you let them do whatever they want, rather you focus on what you WANT to happen. It's a bit of a mindshift (and hard to do when sleep-deprived grin)

Remembered another one that worked well, was giving her warnings before taking her away etc. So 'dd, we need to do your nappy in a minute', and 'ok, last one' rather than just whisking her/it away.

And do remember that it's OK for them to be cross or whatever. A bit of sympathy goes a long way, 'oh dd, i know you are cross because you want to finish your puzzle, we can finish your puzzle after.' (although tbh i'd be inclined to just let her finish first!). And let them be cross too - though obviously they can't hurt you.

Actually, made me realise I don't do that with my 10mth ds as much (or positive instructions as much) - must start taking own advice!

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