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My daughter just slapped me!!!

(25 Posts)
elsmommy Tue 19-Apr-05 09:18:21

My 18mth dd just slapped me round the face because I took the post off her
Where has she learnt this from?
She is going to be such a horrible child because I just don't know how to punish her. I wouldn't smack her and if I shout she just cries and I have to give her a hug to shut her up!! Plus she can't talk so she probably doesn't understand a word I'm saying anyway.
How do you punish an 18 month old?

bobbybob Tue 19-Apr-05 09:23:36

You just say "we don't hit in this family" in a calm voice. If you want to you can put her down and ignore her for a bit, so she realises that hitting is not a good way to get attention.

And don't believe that she doesn't understand you. She understands every single word.

She will not be a horrible child. In the nicest possible way - get a grip woman! She's just learning to deal with her emotions and sometimes she gets it wrong. Correct her gently and with love, like you would if she was using a spoon the wrong way or something.

She got frustrated and hit out. It's normal, it happens, deal with it calmly and consistently and you will both be fine.

elsmommy Tue 19-Apr-05 09:31:03

Thanks. I'm going to have to stop spoiling her and be more strict cos shes starting to get fairly naughty!!

Twiglett Tue 19-Apr-05 09:34:41

don't shout .. its a reaction

bad behaviour needs no reaction at all, as in put her down immediately walk away and ignore her for a minute and a half - totally ignore her

and no hugs to shut her up - if she cries because she's done something wrong and you hug her, she's winning again - put her down, ignore her -

I slightly adapt it when they're really young - I put mine on the stairs, then every ten or 20 seconds would go back and say 'when you calm down we can do this' - no sign of calming down then walk away - if they try to calm down they get praise

HTH

elsmommy Tue 19-Apr-05 09:40:31

After ignoring her for a while would you pick her up and calm her down then, or just leave her to calm down on her own?

Frizbe Tue 19-Apr-05 09:46:36

After ignoring dd for a bit (18mths on 1st May!)I usually get down on her level, open my arms and tell her to come and say sorry, which she usually does with a kiss, as she can't say sorry yet!

Twiglett Tue 19-Apr-05 09:50:47

after ignoring her I'd probably start asking her to calm down and praise over-enthusiastically any slight cessation then as soon as she seemed relatively calm I'd give her a big hug (reward for calming down not for shrieking)

if she started to escalate again I'd warn her (yes I think they can understand at this young age) and then do the ignore routine all over again

I do HTH

elsmommy Tue 19-Apr-05 09:56:25

Thanks, I'll give it a go. I need to do something cos I think I'm giving her mixed signals at the moment.

Twiglett Tue 19-Apr-05 09:57:55

the thing is though you have to stand firm and do it even if it escalates her tantrum - it might take up to a week, but probably not - the key is consistency (and never weaking for a 'oh just this once, she looks so plaintive')

let us know how you get on

enigma Tue 19-Apr-05 09:57:58

Perhaps time to start introducing the naughty step and time out?

elsmommy Tue 19-Apr-05 10:13:45

I just tried ignoring her cos she screamed when I wouldn't give her a lolly.
She calmed down after a few mins and came and gave me a kiss!!
What a good start

Slink Tue 19-Apr-05 10:18:41

My dd is 3 4 in two weeks and her behaviour has got bad since being at school so now we have bad behaviour leads to consequences like
no tv
special blanket bein taken (given back at bedtime)
no trips to the park etc
i would really loose it shouting and that then i found that she did too and she sounded like me

but this works for us....

tortoiseshell Tue 19-Apr-05 10:23:30

Lots of kids hit - the great thing is you can be really tough on it, because you don't hit her. We did 'time in the cot' for ds at that age which worked a treat. Dd hasn't really needed anything yet (probably because our standards have slipped ), but would do the same thing again. Only 1 or 2 minutes, but shut the door and then explain why they have been in there. Tanya Byron on Little Angels says 1 minute for every year of their life.

PsychoFlame Tue 19-Apr-05 10:26:55

Mine is told that we don't hit, and is then put somewhere away from me (normally her room behind the stairgate), and go back a couple of minutes later. She cries, says sorry, and we carry on.

Dunno if it is working, but at least it is consistent...

Flame

xxx

elsmommy Tue 19-Apr-05 10:27:30

Dd ain't got a cot-just a bed so if I put her in there she'd just play with her toys. The only place I could really put her for time out would be the bathroom!!!

Twiglett Tue 19-Apr-05 10:33:30

mine went out in the hall, on the bottom stair and were told to stay there .. and they did

PsychoFlame Tue 19-Apr-05 10:33:56

B is normally so distressed at being told off and being put away for being naughty that she just sobs and doesn't touch the toys

The joys of making a toddler cry

aloha Tue 19-Apr-05 11:03:06

At 18months I think Bobbybob's advice is spot on. She is only a baby who is learning to manage very big emotions. She has NO IDEA of the emotional connotations of slapping someone's face - she just hit out in frustration. Of course it's not nice, but neither is biting, but neither mean your child will be 'horrible'! You don't need to smack or shout - a bit of ignoring plus saying 'we don't bite/smack' "absolutely not" or some other phrase will usually do the trick. Probably not immediately, but in the end.

lockets Tue 19-Apr-05 11:06:56

Message withdrawn

bobbybob Tue 19-Apr-05 19:57:57

Things like wanting something and not being able to have it I handle by commenting on the emotion "oh, it's sad when we can't have a lolly isn't it?" and then distraction "let'd do something else, what would you like to do?".

I am a big tactical hugger, toddlers emotions are big, scary things and when I see Bob getting overwhelmed I give him a "boring" cuddle. I don't talk or stroke, just a big firm hug. When he is ready he wriggles away and choses something else to do. I don't like to try and chose the distraction as I am the "bad guy" at this time and anything I suggest will be rejected, so I let him try to chose something more suitable.

Have you ever seen a kid cry, then realise it doesn't hurt and then have to keep on crying anyway so as not to lose face? That's were a boring cuddle is helpful, they don't actually get any sympathy, but they can move away from the cuddle and onto the next thing without losing face.

Think of yourself as being firm and consistent, not strict.

elsmommy Wed 20-Apr-05 09:25:49

Throughout yesterday when dd was naughty I told her firmly that it was wrong and stood her in the hall for 1 and a half minutes!!
I think it really worked, she was been very good by the time dp got home.
I was much less stressed and that was just after 1 day!!
She has been good this morning so I haven't been able to have another go yet

Nemo1977 Wed 20-Apr-05 09:29:58

My ds does this and is also 18mths. I tend to tell him firmly we dont hit then sit him on the floor away from me. He will cry and throw himself but i ignore it

elsmommy Wed 20-Apr-05 09:31:40

Nemo is your ds talking?

Nemo1977 Wed 20-Apr-05 09:34:34

he says a few words but nothing fantastic..has about 20 words but its more like ish for fish etc. and animal noises

elsmommy Wed 20-Apr-05 09:39:07

Thats just like my dd! I was only asking because my mom keeps telling me that she could hold a conversation with me at her age and I don't know anyone with a child the same age!!

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