Tantrums! How do I stop them when he doesn't understand reasoning

[Meanmum]

My ds goes to a childminder who has her her 3year old son there. He copies everything the 3 yr does and has started to throw tantrums. They aren't that major yet, just twisting and turning to get out of my arms when he doesn't want to get dressed, get in the pram etc. He is now walking and putting him in the pram is becoming a real issue as obviously he wants to be independent.

I'm assuming he is just trying to exert his independence through the use of mini tantrums but the problem I have is the frustration I suffer. Does anyone else suffer the same frustration. He is too young to reason with (just turned 1) and explain to that they just don't work.

Did anyone else go through this and how did you resolve it? Do I just have to put up with it. Some days it becomes so frustrating and naturally occurs when you are in the biggest rush to get out the door.

Anyone know how I can explain to him that actions have consequences as well. He has started hitting me on the face when he doesn't want to do something and I want to start teaching him that every action has a consequence but once again feel he is too young to really understand this concept.

All advice welcomed.

[washer]

Hi Meanmum,
My 2 year old has been like that for months now...he desn't understand that he can't have everything he wants and when he wants it...the general advice that I have been given by my health visitor is ignore him or her...they call it time out...go into another room and leave the child having a tantrum until they stop. As long as it's safe to leave him or her.

[tomps]

Yes, ,ostly you just have to put up with it. Dd of 17months started this kind of behaviour around 12m also pulls my hair, pinches, head butts !!! Mostly I think you just need as much patience as you can muster for the everyday stuff eg getting dressed. We often have 'fights' getting her in the car seat, so I just keep saying to her firmly that we have to get into the car, where we're going, it'll be much easier without struggling ... and try to avoid car journeys at times when she'll be more tired & grumpy, though obviously that's not always possible. Now that you know he's likely to tantrum in certain situations, you can try to allow yourself more time to deal with them or have a distraction ready. My advice for the face hitting would be similar tactics to what we've done with the hair pulling - immediately move your face away from his hands by putting him down or moving yourself away. Tell him no with a serious expression and make sure he can see you're not pleased. Then look away / move away and give him no attention at all for a short while. making too big a deal out of it turns it into an attention seeking thing (as I've also learnt to my cost). It's also a good idea to not just tell him what not to do but to demonstrate what TO do eg take his hands and stroke your face with them and tell him how lovely he is to be so nice to mummy ... Sorry to waffle on but hope some of that helps - good luck and lots of patience to you. And the good news is ... it does get better ! (But if it gets worse later on, see jug of water advice under 'screaming - help needed'

[Toots]

Agree with Tomps about the face stroking. I grab DD's hand when she's being rough to me, and say gently as I stroke my face with her hand. I think it works brilliantly, and usually ends in us smiling at each other. Everything else with her is driving me mad at the moment. So thank H for small M's.

[Meanmum]

Thanks guys. It's taken me ages to get back to this message but advice will now be put into action.

[Lol]

I have twin boys who are 2.5 yrs now and its a bit of a struggle to say the least. Although they can both be a handful, only one actually seems to have real 'tantrums', by which I think I mean the completely unprovoked fit of temper and screaming and physical behaviour which subsides almost as quickly as it erupts. In our case it can go on for an hour at a time. I definitely try to move O away from his older sister and twin brother and me just to give us some peace and to make him see that he is the one that is in the wrong, not us. I'd love to say that it stops the tantrum, but so far the screaming just continues in another room. However, my logic is that it is more peaceful for us and not rewarding of his bad behaviour. Its more difficult if you find yourself out of the house when these happen as its often not possible to put your child down anywhere safe and then I think I just resort to whatever is safe until I find a space like the car to put him down on his own. Clear explanations of what will happen if they don't stop yelling are important but sadly I can't say mine have much impact at the moment. The definition of the tantrum to me is the pure unreasonableness of it, and reasoning doesn't really seem to make much of a dent. It might sound rather unfeeling, but it happens sometimes more than once a day and its the only way to preserve my sanity and look after my other children too!