What advice can you give?

[nanna]

not my son, but part of the extended family - 4 year old boy, will poo and wee in his pants (doesn't bother him at all), in fact, will deliberately wee on furniture, will deliverately do what he is asked not to do, will have screaming fit if he does not get his own way, bullies other children, hurts other children (arm twisting, biting, pinching so hard bruises are left, pushing, unprovoced hitting), no other children want to play with him, gets extremely angry (so much so that he shakes uncontrolably) ... I could go on - can be very loving and sweet, very cheeky, very affectionate ... how can we help this little one? he has a loving mother who is at her wits end

[nanna]

anybody? my only thought is that perhaps he should see a child pyschologist, but I am not sure if they deal with this sort of behaviour

[em1975]

my son is a bit like that, he is 5 and has now been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I was at my wits end too and asked to be referred to a child physchologist. They don't all end with my ending though, don't want to worry you!

[coppertop]

Is he toilet-trained but does the weeing/pooing thing anyway or is he still not toilet-trained yet?

[nanna]

what is the best way to deal with your son when he is being "naughty"? do we ignore him, or send him for time out, or something else? as a family we have tried everything, but he just seems to be getting worse - he is about to start school too, so I worry that he will be set apart there and not be able to make friends

[em1975]

my son used to find it really funny to wee in the dogs water bowl even though he was toilet trained. It was all about rebelling!

[em1975]

how does he get on a playschool, have they said anything?

[nanna]

his mum has tried to toilet train him for the last two years - he sometimes does it in the toilet, but that is rare - he still wears a nappy to bed at night time, but just pants during the day - although he goes through a lot of them because of the dampness / poo. If you ask him if he wants to go, he will say no, and then be wet 30 seconds later. I used to think that he just is not aware of what he was doing, but last week he held his willy and wee'd on a table, so I wonder now whether he knows what he is doing. I just don't know.

[em1975]

my advice is to ignore the bad behaviour unless it's causing a danger to himself or others. If he wees on something just clean it up without even acknowledging it was him. REALLY hard but it can make a difference to not give him the attention.

[nanna]

the teachers haven't said anything at playschool, but I have spoken to other mums, and their children don't want to play with him because he hurts them - he also plays by himself a lot

[em1975]

yes my son is same too, i think maybe he should be taken to the doctors just to see if they think he should be referred. i have found it very hard to deal with but am coming to terms with his behaviour now. it does get easier once you get help and advice

[coppertop]

My ds1 (4.9yrs) has autism and was still in nappies until 4.2yrs. Absolutely nothing we said or did seem to have any effect on him as he just didn't get it - despite being very bright. He feels very little pain or discomfort so he too didn't care if he was wet or dirty so there was no incentive there either.

When he pushes/hits/bites other children do you know what happens just before? Do the children get physically close to him or try to play with toys etc in what the little boy thinks is the 'wrong' way etc?

[em1975]

yes he doesn't like anyone near him unless its on his terms, he doesn't like to share either. he has big problems at school. he is still in nappies at night, he's aged 5.5

[nanna]

he usually goes up to a child around his own ages and hits/pinches etc and then runs off - with litte ones though he tries to squeeze their heads or bodies - he wants to "borrow" other childrens toys all the time, but absolutely throws a fit if anyone touches his

[nanna]

coppertop - your ds experience about discomfort seems to be the same this little one - he just seems to not care at ALL if he is wet or dirty - and will happily keep doing whatever it is he is doing

[coppertop]

My ds1 is still in nappies at night too. He only managed to stay dry in the day literally a couple of weeks before starting school.

Nanna - I think I would be going to the GP/HV to ask for a referral to a Developmental Paediatrician. There may be no problem at all but it sounds as though he needs an assessment.

Em1975 - Feeel free to come and join us on the Special Needs board if you haven't already done so. There are quite a few of us with at least one child with AS/ASD. My ds2 (2.2yrs) has a preliminary diagnosis of ASD so I find the SN board really helpful.

[coppertop]

Yep. That sounds like ds1, Nanna. He used to sit quite happily in the most foul-smelling nappies and used to try to escape if/when we changed him. It just didn't bother him at all.

[nanna]

Thanks so much - will take your advice and seek a referral. May also guide his mum in your direction to see if she can get some support too.