"I don't wanna go......WAHHHHHHH!!!" - HELP!

[mammabelleboo]

My 3yo dd has been doing one 1/2 day at nursery for the past year. As she is just about to turn 3 (on Sat) she has after a few settling sessions, now been moved to the nursery's pre-school group so she is with bigger children. She has also at the beginning of Sep started a playgroup attached to the school she will, hopefully, start in 2 yrs when she starts school.

Last week she broke her heart about going to nursery so I kept her home as she has been a bit under the weather and she told me she was tired and had "baddie eyes" - her eyes were a little red. This morning, again she cried hard as she didn't want to go, but we insisted she was going - dh took her, she cried a bit when he left her but nursery rang to say she's fine.

She was also awful when I took her to playgroup last week - in hysterical tears when i left her and had to be peeled off me, was clawing my clothes to stay with me - it was so upsetting. She is saying again this week she dosn't want to go - there is a little boy there who is a bit of a handful who she says she dosn't like.

What do I do - do I persevere, ignore the tears and insist she goes? I want her to go happy and hate the idea of forcing her to go to these places, but she has to get used to being left in readyness for school and to learn that sometimes we just have to do these things - but she is so young . I hate seeing her upset. Should I keep sending her. Am sure I should keep going with nursery, but not sure about playgroup - but if i stop now, will I ever get her back again - could be a problem if that's the school she ends up at.
Sorry it's a bit long and garbled! Any advice much appreciated. Thanks

[happypiglet]

Hi Mamma
Can empathise! My DS2 was 3 in Aug and over the summer decided he didn't want to go to Nursery (1 day a week) anymore. He then started preschool (3 mornings a week) in Sept in preperation for big school next Sept. And again every morning as soon as he gets up he starts with the not wanting to go thing. He is very unsure, clingy and teary when I drop off but apparently fine thereafter. I too feel just awful.
But DS1 was EXACTLY the same at this age. I persevered with both and although he was never keen on nursery he grew to love preschool (equiv to your playgroup I suppose). And it has made his start at school in Sept SO much easier. He had friends already, was used to the procedures, knew some of the staff etc etc.
So I am persevering with DS2 as I know in the long run preschool will be the right thing for him even if he doesn't know it. As far as nursery goes he has to go so I can work so its tough really!

[juuule]

I took my dd out of playgroup because of similar to what you are describing. She started at school nursery with no problems at all.
I don't think that playgroup etc necessarilly gets them ready for the next stage. Although some children may get used to it, for some it just makes them miserable and resigned. You are the best judge of which is happening in your dd situation.
Personally I would probably tke her out if she wasn't seeming to be gaining anything from it.
2 years is a long way off.

[sunnygirl1412]

My youngest did exactly the same thing when he was going to playgroup. He only went two days a week, but getting him from the school playground (where we'd dropped his two older brothers) to the playgroup was awful as he wailed the whole way and told me we were going the wrong way for home.

He'd have to be peeled off me, and I did hate that, but each time, when I went back, the playgroup staff told me that he'd stopped crying as soon as I left, and had played happily for the whole of the morning.

What's more, HE used to tell me on the walk home that he'd enjoyed himself. I am also sure that it stood him in good stead when it came to moving into Reception. It meant that he already knew some of the children in his year from playgroup, had learned some of his letters, numbers, colours etc (though obviously he could have learned those at home) and that the whole school experience wasn't totally new to him.

He's now a happy, confident 11 year old, who is utterly unfazed by new places or new people, does well at school, makes friends easily, tidies his room immaculately every day - well - OK, I lied about the last part....