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dd, 2yrs 8mths, is withdrawn

(10 Posts)
TheVillageIdiot Wed 02-Mar-05 11:42:50

For a little while now my dd has been coming home from nursery with stories of being pushed over, having things taken from her etc I think this is fine. They're at that age after all. However the last few weeks (possibly even a month) these stories consistantly include a specific little boy 'A'. This has conincided with lots of tears and begging to stay home with me. She has also become quiet at home and very introvert, not wanting a cuddle etc and almost permantantly mardy, she's waking in the night crying and cries almost immediately when she gets up.

Anyway, I thought to myself, I ought to see how she was getting on at nursery in general and whether or not "A" was just generally boisterous or whether it was specifically aimed at dd (my dd has been known to tell tales and exagarate). Also I wanted to find out how she was getting on generally with the others in her group.

On Tuesday morning I explained the situation to the nursery leader and she said yes "A" is at that rough-and-tumble stage and she hadn't noticed anything specific towards dd, however, she would ask the girls that work with dd's group to keep an eye on this.

So, I picked dd up yesterday evening and was told she had been fine, I then saw one of the girls from dd's room who incidently has babysat for me before now and who I kinda know better than the others. She said that dd had started refusing to eat at nursery and that she'd had to feed her the lunch, also that she had been withdrawn and clingy for a little while. She mentioned that they had kept an eye on "A" and dd's interaction and so "A". I asked how long she had been withdrawn at nursery, 2, more, less... Apparently a couple of weeks or so, maybe more - but that's just that she can remember noticing

I just don't know what to do she seems so sad even at home now. I try to interact with her but nothing I do is right, I feel so sorry for her but I don't know what to do. I don't know what the cause could be and so I don't know what the solution is. I just hate seeing her look so sad, she used to be happy and cheeky now she's just sad and cross.

I feel useless, today I took her to nursery and she looked sad (not crying). I was going to stay for a while but she just looked vacant and told me to go - no wave, no smile, no tears nothing. what do I do?

TheVillageIdiot Wed 02-Mar-05 11:51:48


gingerbear Wed 02-Mar-05 11:58:58

Am astounded - Nursery leader and the carers should be doing something about the boy's behaviour, not just watching how they interact.

Demand to see the leader again and that they do something about it!

HunkerMunker Wed 02-Mar-05 12:00:21

Haven't got any advice, but didn't want to leave the thread without some big hugs for you and your DD xxxxxx

Jimjams Wed 02-Mar-05 12:36:39

sorry- did you miss a bit out- what did they think about A's behaviour? If they are having problems anyu chance of putting them in seperate groups (or are they divided by age?)

piffle Wed 02-Mar-05 12:50:22

that would ring alarm bells for me
my son went like that at nursery and it turned out to be a nursery teacher disciplining him when he was never in the wrong, he felt demoralised and confused and very upset and clingy.
It toook me ages to get him to tell me what the reason was, I ended up complaining to the nursery who ended up transferring the nursery nurse concerned into their after school facility as she was considered unsuitable to work with pre schoolers.
They need to really watch her to see why she is taking this on board - I do hope you get to the bottom of it, it makes life so stressful and sad
Hugs xx

TheVillageIdiot Wed 02-Mar-05 13:01:10

Just got back from lunch, thanks for the reply.

I may have missed bits out as I was on a teleconference while typing (oops).

"A" is apparently a little rough and tumble and I have seen him behaving like this, also "A" has recentl;y acquired a little sister about 4 months ago so maybe slightly more rough than usual. However, dd and "A" have been at the same nursery since they were tiny babies and always in the same group (yes they are split by age)

The girl that I spoke to yesterday said that they had kept "A" away from dd. Except I don't really want this too happen in a noticable way, I don't want any of the children to think that "A" (or any child) is not allowed to play with dd.

DD is soft and she would never take something back that was snatched from her. She would just go and find something else to play with.

Last week they called me to pick her up because she wasn't herself and they thought she might be coming down with something because she had been lathergic and not wanted to join in with anything. She seemed well enough so perhaps that was part of it.

DD has been at this nursery sine she was 6mths and until now I have to say it's been wonderful. The staff are great, the atmoshpere and environment are lovely. Nothing (in my eyes) seems to have changed.

They have employed two new girls but that's the only thing.

piffle - how old was your ds?

I've only rarely seen a child with absolutely no emotion in their face and to see dd like that today made me so sad.

WideWebWitch Wed 02-Mar-05 13:04:07

Can you go there for half a day and see what you think is going on? I'd be worried too, your poor chick. I too think the nursery should be doing more to get to the bottom of it and to reassure you and your dd.

TheVillageIdiot Wed 02-Mar-05 13:18:55

I've just called and they say she seems brighter today, still quieter than usual but she has been playing with one little girl in particular and fed herself at lunchtime. They are continuing to watch "A" around dd.

I asked dd what she'd done at nursery yesterday and there was no stories about "A".

In a way I hope that it is just nursery. I guess I just have to keep my eye on it, am very cautious that I don't want it to become a big deal though!

TheVillageIdiot Tue 08-Mar-05 12:11:46

I just wanted to come back to this and let all you lovely people that gave advice know that dd appears to be well on her way bck to her normal self.

Her nursery have been brilliant and she is now eating again there and is showing emotion again - luckily not to many tears.

I've not heard one story about "A" since I mentioned it to the staff at her nursery nor have I had any stories about any other children pushing her over or ripping her pictures.

She's also sleeping through the night again so I can only think that it was all related some how! I suppose this is just the 1st of a long list of friendship/relationship dilemmas but it's really lovely to see her behaving 'normally' again.

Thanks to everyone that gave advice it was much appreciated x

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