my little girl is a big bully

[kiwibella]

my dd is a lovely little girl really! She 17 months and I thought her hitting was a phase and it would pass. It hasn't! This is despite us trying everything - telling her no, using positive praise, encouraging gentle behaviour, ignoring it, hitting back.

I would be happy to persevere but I am concerned about her upsetting other littlies. This often happens with other children and I can deal with it. We are going camping later this week with three other families and I am worried that they will think badly of my dd or us!! I would love any suggestions to deal with situations that arise with my dd.

[meandmyjoe]

I'd keep saying no then ignoring her for a minute or 2 til she's calmed down. To be honest, all smacking her back will do is teach her that it's OK to smack as you did it to her. Deffinitely just keep perservering, it's just a phase!

[scattyspice]

She is way too younge to be a bully. She doesn't understand and she won't remember. It is a perfectly normal phase to go through. Children don't really start being aware of others until about 3.
You have to supervise her with babies and other tots, if fighting starts, say 'no' gently and distract her with another toy etc. You'll have to do this until she is about 3.

No one will think badly of you or your little girl.

[SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore]

its still a phase i will pass. at 17 months she doesnt really understand what she is doing is wrong. definately dont hit her back thats just reinforcing that it is okay to hit some one. stick with a firm no and take her away from the situation

is there anything that pre empts the hitting? dd2 often hits dd1 when she is annoyed and 'growls' first so if you can tell she is going to do it just remove her for a while?

[MrsMattie]

She is far, far too young for you to be worrying about this. She's a baby. She doesn't understand what she's doing, and even if and when she does, it may be a long while before she can control her impulses enough to stop hitting out when she is frustrated. just tell her 'No hitting' firmly and remove her from the situation / distract her with another activity.

[kiwibella]

thanks for your helpful suggestions. I do realise that she isn't really a bully... and she does display signs to let you know that she has had enough / wants it / is going to hit so I can intervene or distract her attention. I also know that hitting back reinforces that this behaviour is ok.

I am most concerned about being with other families for seven whole days. We do know them very well. Usually it is just social visits and I can manage the issues with the other kids... give reasons / make excuses / explain that she is just a baby!!

[neolara]

My feeling generall about babies who hit / bite etc is that they are just babies doing what babies do. Loads do it and generally they grow out of it at some point. Basically, I don't mind particularly.

However, I do tend to get annoyed if the parents / carers don't deal with the behaviour. So if the mum or dad just ignores the hitting or kicking then I'll feel put out. But if they actively distract or intervene in some way, then that is absolutely fine. I think most of my friends feel the same way.

My DD went through a stage of mugging others for their toys at baby groups. I had to follow her round, watching like a hawk for a few months. Then she stopped and I could relax again (until she started her next toddler piece-de-la-resistance of running off into the blue whenever I wasn't looking.)

[HonoriaGlossop]

agree with neolara that as long as you DO something when she hits or whatever, no-one will mind. I think removing her from the situation is fine - even if only for a minute. As long as people see you are tackling it they're fine; they know she's only a baby!

And she is far too young for you to think "we've tried this and that and nothing works!" Nothing works because she is just a baby and she still has a long, long time to learn this stuff. As scatty says, you don't just do a few things for a few months, it taks until they are YEARS old. Stick with it - it will work in the end!