HELP my nearly 4 yo DS is driving me insane!!!!!!

[whoopwhoop]

my DS1 who is 4 next month has always been strong willed a bit of a handful, but today we had a day from hell!!! arranged to meet his friends today at soft play and after warnings and timeout for hitting, biting, pinching (me and other children) and shouting which did not work, had to take him out kicking and screaming, i tried to be strong but ended up in tears( not usually a weepy person) when the other parents gave me looks of pity. DP and i seem to have tried everything reward charts, lots of praise for good behaviour, ingnoring bad behaviour, loss of toys, trips ect i am at the end of my tether(sp) on the otherside ds1 can be loving, funny and kind, but am really worried he will have no friends ect as children are becoming weary of him already which makes me Am starting to want to avoid any social activities with him, which i know will not solve this but save alot of heart ache. thanks for reading any advice greatly received

[tazmosis]

Poor you, that sounds awful.

Have you tried asking him why he gets so cross - not at the time but afterwards when things have calmed down? At 4 he should be able to talk about why he is feeling what he's feeling. That might be a good starting point. Sorry I can't be more help

[chipkid]

My ds was like this at 4. They don't call it the fucking awful fours for nothing. Ds was so full of rage and was very antisocial. All I can say is that it is a phase, it will pass and just has to be got through. My ds is now 7 and he is absolutely fantastic. He wouldn't dream of hitting etc, he has lots of friends, is kind and funny. I would never have imagined that he would turn out like this at 4. Had I known then what I know now I would have shed many less tears about his behaviour.

THERE IS HOPE!!!

hth

[ellideb]

He may calm down a bit when he starts school.

Keep consistent in how you deal with him.

Maybe he has some undiagnosed behavioural/learning difficulties.
Have you spoken to your HV/GP about him?

I really feel for you and hope you will get some great advice, good luck

[whoopwhoop]

thank you tazmosis, yes i have tried asking him why he hits out ect, he often answers because he does not like the child, though i know this not to be true as he is always excited about meeting up with his friends, and wants to invite them round. He is only like this with his peers as smaller children he is very patient with, lets hope this is just a phase, tomorrows another day!!

[whoopwhoop]

thank you chipkid, just what i needed to hear, fucking awful fours lmao! i live in hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

[Overmydeadbody]

I'd recommend you get down to your local bookshop or library and buy/borrow two books:

1. How to talk so kids will listen....

1. Unconditional Parenitng

It would take me too long to write out all the suggested methods for dealing with your DS that might help, so the best advice I can give really is to read those books, I'm sure they will help.

Also, remember, they do grow out of it, 4 is a very trying age for parents!

[beansprout]

I have read the first book and it has changed my relationship with ds1. Highly recommended.

[whoopwhoop]

thanks ellideb if this behaviour continues will speak to HV, supernanny, house of tiny tearaways anybody who can help!

[ellideb]

Bless you Like somebody else said, its probably just a phase and you will be looking back on it with fond memories!

[whoopwhoop]

thanks overmydeadbody, just read the reviews, those books will be coming my way soon!

[Overmydeadbody]

For a lot of children, reward charts, praising good behavious, time out etc etc just does not work. They need a differnet kind of parenting, and if that dpoesn't come naturally to you then I highly recommend you read at least one of those books.

[Overmydeadbody]

x posts!

Yes, do read them (if you ever get the time, that is!)