Waaah!! he hit me.. except he didnt...

[frecklyspeckly]

Since my son started primary school he has had a friend who is really very young acting for his age, more like a 3 year old than a five year old.He basically lies everyday (during school)plus in the yard going into school that my son has hit him, stamped on him, etc... then he screams and has a tantrum !! He also does this if my son wont play with him. trouble is his mum falls for this crap (school teachers and dinner ladies dont anymoreh!!)and fusses him but please can you suggest what I can do about this as it is wearing extremely thin after a year, has ruined various parties and days out, sports day etc. Have stopped socialising with them as i cannot stand the stress. Today when he started up i calmly told my son to go in and have a lovely day and then walked off and left this kid being fussed by his mum. Don't think I can get to end of week without exploding and having it out with her. She can see no wrong in him at all. Tells her son to hit my ds back. Few weeks ago he punched him in the face. I am dealing with a bereavement and house clearance at the mo and whilst i am not a teary person I have cried out of frustration today with it all.

[donovan]

Is their any chance of the boys being in seperate classes next year.
If not then I would ask to have a meating with you, her and the Family Liason Officer or someone who can mediate in the school.
Is there any reason why the mother is like this, could the boy be copying of his mother, or could there be a deeper problem or is he just immature.
This will come back and bite her on the bum, so if none of the above is feasible, then I am afraid you might have to play the long game and wait it out.

[Pheebe]

If it was me I would be saying things like - don't be so ridiculous, he was nowhere near you. But then I have no patience for silly, persistent behaviour like this. Our neice did this for a while round our ds1. It was an attention thing and it sounds like it is for this boy also. It worked for us as she stopped doing it but may not work for you if the mother is reinforcing the behaviour.

More constructively, perhaps make a point of avoiding him at the school gate, cut all social contact (sounds like you have) and make sure the school are aware of the situation. Sadly I think I would also be telling DS to stear clear of him too.

There is clearly something deeper going on here, the mother is reinforcing this behaviour for her own reasons. Also if I had heard her telling her ds to hit my ds I would have used that as an opportunity to say something directly to her. If you do, you MUST keep calm and reasonable even if she can't.

Sadly it will be the other boy who suffers in the long run as it will affect his social development

[AbbeyA]

Has your DS got other friends? I should encourage other friendships-e.g invite them over during the holidays. Now that you have 6 weeks free of school have no contact with this child and the friendship may naturally end in September. If they are in the same class speak to the teacher and ask to have them separated during the school day-different tables, groups etc. The mother will have problems with her DS if she doesn't face up to his behaviour.

[frecklyspeckly]

Well fortunately they ARE in different classes next year, so it will be separate doors for waiting for them.

Hopefully that will diffuse this situation of which the school is already aware. Mum makes a beeline for me in yard and gets visibly annoyed if I avoid her. If i leave the yard without waiting for her at the end of the day she will ask what she has done to upset me. I am ashamed to say I have been waiting for her so as not to receive reprimand following day. Hence more vile behaviour from son.

what the mum said,to be exact was, 'Well I have told him, if someone hits you , hit them back'.

The shakeup of classes plus new children starting should hopefully bring us a fresh start next year.

Roll on the holidays and thank you, AbbeyA, Pheebe and Donovan X