help needed with wild almost eight-year old boys

[fionagib]

My twin boys are nearly eight and lately their behaviour has been pretty challenging - dh and I are feeling pretty exhausted and angst ridden. The boys are often yelling and crashing around in their (shared) room till 10pm, and take delight in tormenting their 4 yr old sister. They are lovely boys but very boisterous and full of mischief.

It came to a head yesterday when my sons were showing off in front of the friend they had home for tea, and had their sis in tears several times - later, I just flipped, raring that their birthday sleepover - planned for early feb - is cancelled (they'll still get their bowling trip, so will still have a treat!)

Just don't know if I can face having 3 extra boys to stay the way my sons are now. But they are SO upset and disappointed today.

What can I do? Start a star chart for behaviour? dd is a toughie and fights back, but eventually crumbles and I have to mop up the tears. We have already banned playstation and no friends are coming arond for a week. It feels like denial, denial - so dreary and joyless. I am so sick of being furious and upset, a foul faced mother, and hate my boys looking so sad. It feels like a vicious circle of rows and tears, then the boys been contrite, and us all making up.

sorry to ramble. Any suggestions gratefully received. btw we don't have the room to give them separate bedrooms!
many thanks xxxx

[lowcalCOD]

fiona
no time to post a t lenght but I htink oyu need to start form scratch revise their routine their rules,their speech to each other etc
and also start positive reinforcement - with two to play off it shoudl work a treat

[lowcalCOD]

oh and dont smoke!

[RTKangaMummy]

what about giving them 7p per day in pennies

if they misbehave they have a penny taken off

so we have found better than star charts

iF THIS IS THEIR OWN SPENDING MONEY would this workfor you

obviously you can choose the amount of money

7p per day = £2.10 per month.

[fionagib]

NEARLY had a fag last night cod!

the earning money thing might be good kanga. Their pocket money is all over the place at the mo - we forget for weeks - but maybe could be part of a new system...

think cod is right about starting from scratch re rules. Think things always get worse when the weather is dire and we're all cooped up after school.

am gonna be patience personified...

anyone else have opinions on whether b'day treat should be cancelled?

[lowcalCOD]

make them earn it back

[lowcalCOD]

also sort out all their topys and amke them play itn heir rooms a bit to keep them away form dd

[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

IMO you shouldn't back down now. It'll show them you don't mean it and are full of empty threats I think. Keep it cancelled. Def would try some rules I think, see thread here , also lots of exercise, boys being like dogs int hat regard. And don't smoke, it'll make it worse! Then you'll be a smoker with challenging boys, they won't be any easier and you'll hate yourself. I posted everything I've ever found useful on this thread here Hope there's something in there that helps. 10pm sounds like a nightmare, I'd be down on that like a ton of bricks I think. Sympathy.

[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

Or only let them earn it back, good idea. Don't just cave out of the goodness of your heart though. IMO, imo!

[lowcalCOD]

oh i see yes keep the bowling
not old enouhg tell them for sleep over

[lowcalCOD]

yes earnign back is good then you can set the rules
but have a good liten to how yu all tal k to each other too ( not htats its your fault) but it often goes around ina cricle

[RTKangaMummy]

the reason the 7p a day works we feel is because it is instant

ie at the end of every day they get given their pennies

if they misbehave they wont get as much as the other one

go to the bank and ask for £5 or £10 in pennies

If they exchange at end of each month for bigger coind ie £2 or 50p

you recycle the pennies next month.

as long as they behave they could save up quite a bit.

obviously within the month if you wanted them to they could spend the pennies on sweets or comics etc.

Also when you are out with them all you have to say is 1p off and they understand

I know it doesn't sound like much but they really don't want to be down to 5p from 7p.

BUT don't give them loads of £ at other times because it won't work very well then IMHO

good luck

[fionagib]

thanks very much for advice folks and also links to other threads. Feeling better. Boys have been quite sweet with their sis who is ill now (not their doing!)

[fionagib]

Just wanted to add that we had a big talk about the boys having to 'earn' their birthday sleepover and the improvement in their behaviour has been quite dramatic. I took them out for tea tonight and they were all very good in the cafe, they have cleared away toys without being asked, been hugely tolerant of their sis, settled to sleep with no screaming or reckless play in their room - have had them on my own all w'end as dh was working and I can honestly say it's been a apleasure.

Thanks for advice everyone, no longer feel like a tense wreck!

[weightwatchingwaterwitch]

Marvellous! And you did it without smoking (I hope and assume)