Ways to help my 5 yr dd deal with feeling angry/annoyed at school - bit of a long one

[Barno]

My dd is in yr1 at school and has had quite an unhappy year. At the beginning of the year all the classes were mixed and she has been quite unsettled compared with her reception year as most of her close friends are in other classes now.

The classroom assistant has had to talk to me a couple of times this term about her pushing and hitting fellow classmates which is very unlike her and I need some help. She knows it is wrong to hurt other people and I have withdrawn priveledges (bad spelling!)/so has the school , but she is so unhappy it makes me so sad.

I think tiredness is a factor as well as when she has not been sleeping well her patience is thin and she is more prone to lashing out than dealing in a correct way with her anger.

I have had a good chat today to try to find out what is making her so angry that she lashes out. Key provokes are:

1. two particular girls who poke out tongues/ pull silly faces;
   
   
2. Those two particular girls getting her into trouble or telling lies (beacuse now she has been in troiuble a few times the teacher assistant doesn;t believe her when she says she didn't do it)
   
   
3. People pushing in the line/on the mat at school
   
   We have both tried to come up with ideas of what to do if she does feel angry as follows:
   
   
4. ignore people who pull silly faces;
   
5. ask people politely to stop kicking/pushing me/pulling faces;
   
6. tell the teacher (although it sounds like the class is a right lot of tell-tales and not sure whether they would believe her if she did tell)
   
7. avoid standing/sitting next to two main provokers
   
8. at lunchtimes concentrate on playing with good friends and avoid those who make you angry/annoy you
   
9. If you feel really angry try and count to 10 very slowly in your head
   
   I would love to hear of any other ideas/help you may be able to suggest - am so sad that she is not happy at school and lashing out at other people.

[frecklyspeckly]

I have read your port Barno and sounds to me you have advised the best anyone can, sometimes I think as mums all we can do is this and trust that as long as we try to show them understanding and be patient they will find their own way. My ds hit in face today by friend, yet he provoked him by hurting him first, prob is I cannot do anything but try and remember that short of following him into school and pinning his arms down I cant do anything more. You sound like you are getting some understanding from school. Telling tales seem to take up all of his reception class time too - trouble is if teacher tries to give all a fair hearing there is no time left for teaching. Things change.It wont always be this way.and its not your job to make everything 'perfect' - it is beyond your control so dont let it affect your happiness. And I bet her behaviour is not on balance of the rest of the class as bad as you think.

[dylanthecat]

you need to make an appointment to see the teacher. It sounds to me as if the girls are bullying her and she is getting in to trouble when she retailates.

Telling lies and deliberitly making her angry by pulling faces probably so she will get in to trouble definetly sounds like bullying to me

Even if she has been in trouble why would the ta not belive her that would make me

Go to the teacher not the ta, at the very least she should be able to help you to come up with a plan of action to help your dd and to be honest I would ask if she could swich classes next year

Its nearly the summer holidays

hope that helped because your post made me sad for you and your dd it must be awful to not enjoy school when you have to spend so much time there

[ReallyTired]

I think that year 1 is incredibly hard for lots of children. My son has struggled socially this year.

Prehaps the pressure and the very formal nature brings out the worst in children.

The childen are bullying silly faces as game, ie lets wind up X and make her angry. Prehaps you can role play pretending that her dollies are pulling faces at each other and get her to suggest what the dolly should do?

A useful book is "my name is not dummy"

www.amazon.co.uk/Name-Dummy-childrens-problem-solving/dp/0960286284/ref=sr_1_3?ie=U&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 TF8&s=books&qid=1210282434&sr=8-3

It is a book where a little girl is being teased and being called "Dummy", the child is given a set of choices what the little girl can do. For example if the child decides the little girl should call the child "Dummy" back then you turn to page X to see what happens and if your child decides that the child should ignore the teasing then you turn to page Y to see what happens.

[distantshaw]

A completely different tack might be 2 get ur child involved in something that builds confidence, like a drama group/Rainbows/fun dance group, or swimming. It's the same 4 all of us, but the more confidence we have in our abilities the better able we are 2 face up 2 the bad behaviour of others.
My 2nd is very sensitive & shy but absolutely loves drawing & is getting pretty good. Buying him his own paper & special pens has really helped boost his confidence, & he seems 2 be happier all round.
This doesn't answer the problem of bullying, and I completely empathise with ur feelings, but hopefully extra activities outside of school help 2 broaden a child's world and give them something positive that's not affected by the kids they know at school.
One more thought - the more I've read about sleep problems and tiredness, and not just 4 kids, the more I've found it's very important we have as regular a bedtime routine as possible, one that helps wind down, and gets the body clock to cooperate with the watch!!!
All the best

[Barno]

Thank you for all your helpful replies and support. I will arrange a meeting with the teacher to discuss and hope that today has been a better day for her at school. I can't wait till half term and will do a bit of role playing at home and have a look at that book. Thanks again. Barno x