11yr old daughter scared of everything at home - shadows/creakyfloorboards/etc

[NKffffffff9f099779X119994ee1b4]

My daughter seems very confident & bright but is becoming increasingly scared in the eves at home. Last night she cldnt go to the loo without me (or let me go without her), cldnt be left in one room while I went into another even for a moment. She has always been very good at talking about her feelings but when I tried to discuss this with her she just burst into tears. She ended up sleeping in with me. She says that nothing has happended and she doesnt know why she is scared. She is very logical and I talked her through how safe the house is and that she wasnt alone but although she says she knows that is true she cant help but feel so very scared. Does anyone have any advice other than just reasurring her again and hoping that the time will pass?

[marmadukescarlet]

erm, unusual name.

Google 'Young Minds' they are a children's mental health charity and can give advice on anxiousness in children.

[WigWamBam]

Has she been reading scary stories, or been listening to other children at school telling scary stories? I can remember reading ghost stories at that age which scared me rigid, and which left me feeling pretty much as you describe your daughter.

[michie40]

Has she seen any scary films recently?

I remember watching poltergiest around that age and it really scared me but I didnt want to admit that it was this that had freaked me. Mind you Dr Who used to scare me as well.

I think it is quiet normal at this age - my db used to take the dog to the loo with him as he was to scared to go on his own.
He is perfectly normal now - honestly

[Flowernat]

my oldest ds is 11 going on 12 and shes cheerful and outgoing and good at talking about some of her feelings.She goes through phases of getting really worked up about going to sleep,not getting back to sleep when you wake up in the night,its so quiet,had a bad dream,getting worked up about getting worked up...Stuff you'd expect she might have grown out of.We're in a really small cottage with 2 bedrooms but that doesn't stop her getting worked up about being alone and the dark.Had a phase of worrying about feeling like that when your staying over at someone ELSES house!It all comes and goes...Nightmares sending her running in optimistically thinking she'll get in with us!I ended lying down in her bed for a bit the other night because i was too tired to do anything else.She hasn't been like this for ages.Can't pin it too anything in partic.Half of me wants to say don't be silly etc and the other half is more sympathetic.She does very well on a bit of sympathy and I've tried giving her somethings so she can help herself.Got some oils by the bed Lavender,Geranium that sort of thing for putting on pillow.Made up massage oil with Sandalwood,geranium and ylang ylang in(book said good for anxiety)so she can put it on before bed...Stuff like that

[Flowernat]

Having said she does well on sympathy it would be accurate to say its very hard to get her to snap out of it once she's started.Especially in the middle of the night.

[twinkletoesbellyrolls]

Thanks Flowernat, good advice. I think dd would like the idea of the massage oils - she would find it helpful to have something to do to calm herself. She doesnt like feeling out of control. Wierd how I feel reassured that someone else is going through it! I have been wondering if its tied in anyway with her getting ready to leave junior school and start at secondary school (with only one other girl she knows and a communte that involves getting the train) but dont know if thats just me projecting!

Sorry about the my dreadful name but i have only just joined and i just used the code given to me as a nickname. am in work but cant concentrate as worrying too much about dd.

[Flowernat]

oh good glad it might be helpful.Yes mine started secondary in sept just gone.When we chose secondaries i found that every single child in her class were going to the local failing (can't think what else to call it)school that I disliked just from passing by and talking to friends.We lived further away than the rest of the kids so I had the choice of another school and I chose that.I was really open with my daughter and I know she was really nervous.They had a few extra days in holidays to help any who needed get confidence about starting secondary.Activity days.She had alot of fun.Now she's made loads of friends and she says she's really pleased we chose the school we did.

[Flowernat]

Yes they sound quite similar in someways...She does seem a bit better now.Its mostly confidence.She does a slippery slope thing where once she's started thinking like that at night she's off!Better to head her off with oils or sim before she goes to sleep.Bach flower remedies can be good too if you like that sort of thing.

[twinkletoesbellyrolls]

That's interesting - Im sure its probably just normal. Her brother is 16 and I dont remember him going through a nervous faze like these but then she is very reflective and actually already more aware than he is about what is going on around her! She did get flashed at outside of the house on the way to school about 6mths ago and her and her brother had some older 'yoffs' push him over and try to mug him so I know she's had a tough time but that was all a while ago and its actually when shes in doors that shes scared. I think im just going round in circles now and not really saying anything new!

[Flowernat]

oh your fine.saying things as your thinking them helps put stuff in order (so i've been told!)Thats 2 upsetting things that could easily come up later/now...

[Flowernat]

I think your probably right it could have to do with those things.Then that would explain why she can't tell you whats worrying her.Mine would tell too if she knew.That sort of stressful thing accumulates in the background giving you a general sort of unease.Do you think?

[Flowernat]

Also you say those things happened to your daughter well i have been thinking about mine in the last week and whats made her feel so up and down this week.Its not hard to have a good guess.When she went to her dads (XP)the wkend before last he told her that he's planning to emigrate to Canada when she's 16 but that him and his new wife will stay put until then because they want to support her?!?! Unless they have children of their own in which case they might reconsider and not move after all!!He told me nothing of this, I heard it from her.I'm furious.I don't know if you'll agree or not but I don't see why she should have to consider that for the next 5 yrs.I know it was a huge really upsetting shock.I'm thinking this was her trigger.Also he said stuff like you could come out and stay for wks at a time and you could fly out by yourself.Can you imagine what a child like that thinks of those ideas?She's imagining all that happening now and feeling REALLY ANXIOUS that she wouldn't be able to do what he says because she'd be too nervous.He should have know better.Sorry i have digressed from yours to mine!

[Flowernat]

I have to go and make lunch.If your still feeling a bit up in the air later,will pop back this eve if u want to catch up/compare notes.Hope your day goes ok.I think you should use the oils for yourself too!

[Flowernat]

I have to go and make lunch.If your still feeling a bit up in the air later,will pop back this eve if u want to catch up/compare notes.Hope your day goes ok.I think you should use the oils for yourself too!

[twinkletoesbellyrolls]

Sorry, only just got back to desk from meeting. I would be so cross at ex. in no way was that thinking about what is right for daughter. too much of a burden for her to carry and also manipulative i think! My bf's ex has been coming out with stuff like this for years now - she has to deal with the fall out from the children and then he never goes anywhere. important to try and think before you speak as a parent - know its not always possible though!!!

Thanks so much for your support - hope you have a good lunch

[Flowernat]

hi twinkletoes.Popped back now to see if things have gone better this eve with your daughter?Mine looked a bit up and down when she got back.But oils in burner and bit of time reading seemed to chill her out nicely ready for sleep...Y'know it made me feel better hearing you agree about ex and even that you've heard of similar your end.Sometimes I feel really embarrassed that stuff like that is going on.I feel frustrated coz I have to handle it extra carefully.I don't want to say sorry sweatheart your dad's been a twat...I don't do that sort of thing.I wanted to promote good relationship between them but he's not making it easy...ANYWAY back to you.Look forward to catching up sometime soon.