2.5 year old - do you negotiate or manhandle?!

[RachelG]

My DS is 2.5, and wanting to do a lot of things himself, HIS way of course!

He wants to undress himself, which is fine sometimes, but other times he can't do it (eg certain tops come off easier than others). He then gets distraught, but screams even more if I try to help.

If we need to go upstairs to get a clean nappy, he often wants to stay downstairs. If we need to go downstairs to eat, he often wants to stay upstairs.

If we're gong out in the car, he wants to climb into the car seat himself, but then wants to clamber over to the front, to the driver's seat.

Of course I expect all these things, it's normal for his age I'm sure. But I just wondered how people deal with it.

Should I negotiate:- let's go upstairs now, and then we'll get a clean nappy, and we can go to the park. If you let me help you undress, we'll be able to read lots of nice stories after your bath. Let's go down for breakfast, I'll give you a piggy-back. etc etc etc. It's not bribery exactly, more a case of pointing out the advantages to my chosen course of action! But it takes an eternity.

Or should I ask a few times, to give him the chance to do what I'm asking, then lift him up and carry him myself, or take his clothes off myself etc?

Any thoughts?

[chelsygirl]

manhandle

[Blueblob]

I do both, do a little bit of distracting, making things sound exciting, giving them a reason, give a warning, ask. However there's that point where you know they're in that type of mood or you need to get somewhere then it's manhandle time. My youngest has been much easier to persuade and distract than his older brother who would melt down and that was it.

So I think the time you spend negotiating probably depends on what you need to do and personality of child. My youngest I can do things like say lets do it together in response to him wanting to something by himself. That wouldn't wash with the older one!

[hoxtonchick]

distraction definitely the way forward - they have such short attention spans & forget what they were meant to be kicking off about....

[AitchTwoOh]

distraction more than negotiation, i do a bit of warning 'right, i'm going to count to three... one... two etc' and then if she still doesn't comply i will physically move her. but manhandling probably overstates the case and it's actually very rare that it's necessary.

[S1ur]

depends on time factor and urgency.

negotiate, give opportunity to try it himself, give limited choices so shall we slide downstairs or shall I carry you.

But if you gotta go, or it is a plain 'no' situation - manhandle.

Things is ime manhandling can take longer if it provokes tantrums so building in a bit more time for dressing might save time in the long run iyswim

[MorocconOil]

I do both depending on her mood, my mood and the time factor.