Help - Horrific sleep problems with DD (almost 3). Run out of ideas

[cookiemonstress]

Hi
Really hoping someone out there has some suggestions for me as am having sleep drama-ramas with DD who is almost three.

Background: DD from about 10 days old has always had v consistent bath, story/song, bed routine and up until 6 months ago, sleep was something I thought we'd cracked (how naive i was....) Recently (this co-incided with me going back to work after having dd2) my daughter is refusing to stay in bed and we wake anywhere between three-six times a night to find a little face peering at us. This is then followed by much protestation at being returned to bed. She goes to bed between 7.30 and 8 and whilst she isn't always happy about it, generally it's not too much of fight but every night between midnight and 1, the fun and games start. She wakes, we do the supernanny thing, put her back into bed and continue to do so anywhere up to 20 times a night and we are exhausted.

I have bought one of the clocks to help her understand 'it's sleepy time', we have shut her door but she just opens it and bolts out even faster, she has no interest in soft toys and gains no comfort from them, in desperation I have even tried re-introducing the dummy (which is the only thing she loves) but nothing works. Basically she is wide awake and wants to be where the party's at (i wish).

Although charming, she generally takes defiant and stubborn to an extreme level, even for someone who is two. When we get angry, her attitude is 'whatever' and she is completely fearless (Which is another problem altogher) Have run out of ideas and am thinking of sleep clinic as only option. I don't want to resort to having her in our bed every night as the times we have given in, our sleep is rubbish, neither do I want her sleeping on our floor. These night time disruptions are having negative impact on everyone including her younger sister.

Please help!!

[NineUnlikelyTales]

My DS is 14m and he wants to be awake for 2-3 hours every night, he's perfectly cheerful and is just wide awake. It was driving me and DH mad but recently we tried letting DS get up, only in the most boring way possible. So DH puts him in the sling and then sits in the dark with headphones on, not interacting at all, whilst DS screams for a bit and then gets sleepy again. The first night it took 1.5 hours, then 1 hour, then half an hour, then not at all. We had a bit of a relapse but DH started again and last night was a full night's sleep.

I don't know if there is anything in that that you could use but it's an idea.

[mistypeaks]

Ours did the same. Number 1 Stairgate on her bedroom door so even if she can open the door she can't get out - alternatively the handle on our los door is upside down so you have to pull it up rather than push it down which she cannot do for the life of her (yet!!). Make sure she's warm enough the temperature drops at around the time she is waking. (this made a huge difference to our lo - but we have a timer on the heating in their room which I know is a bit of a luxury). I may get absolutely slammed for this but after weeks of 'supernanny' putting her back into bed we just stopped going in altogether. (40 mins of wailing before we did) Eventually she got bored and went to sleep (on the floor a couple of times - but I think she got the message that that was not comfy so she put herself back to bed. She's now settled down and if she does wake up in the night she just goes straight back off again and if she does cry in the night we know there is something wrong. I know this may not be for everyone, but it was all that worked in our case.

[crokky]

This suggestion may not be for you, but if she has a little toddler bed, I would bring the whole thing into your bedroom. My DS is still in our bed, which I know is not what you are after, but he actually wakes up in the night, 2 or 3 times and all he needs is to know that I am laying next to him - either I touch him or talk to him and he will go back to sleep in under 5 seconds. He did used to be in a cot but when he wakes up and feels alone, he will cry and it will be much more of a scene to get him back to sleep.

[jazzandh]

Poor you, how frustrating.

Is lo still napping in the day? If she is - may need to chop it back a bit.

Would some kind of reward chart help - they really get that kind of thing at 3.

Are you 100% consistent when you put her back to bed? No speaking etc...or do you sometimes cave in? Give them even a tiny bit of an inch and they are off and running ime! Then it takes twice as long to crack....you may have to steel yourself for a few nights of 100% consistency (take it in turns with DH - one of you sleeping elsewhere).

Make up a bed on the floor in your room, and tell her to go in that and not disturb you!

[cookiemonstress]

Thanks for all replies.. all good suggestions. We've had 2 gates on the door but she learnt to open both. They were useful for containing the situation.

The bed on our floor would be a last resort for me. Her sister will grow out of cot soon and I want to resolve this issue before that's a habit.. There's just not enough space for everyone to be kipping in our room! Stickers don't work with dd1 but I will try the bribes in a jar thing and take them out if she gets out of bed and reward her for staying in bed. Good suggestion re: temperature, that could be a problem. I do feel conflicted about the problem because I think she just wants to hang out with us when we've been at work (cue more guilt ) and whilst I don't have any objections to the whole family bed thing on principle, (she was in our room for nearly 7 months), it's not something I feel is right for my situation so I'm trying to be firm on that front.

Really appreciate everyone taking the time to comment. Good to know you are not alone!