DD is 6.8, and began at a new school in a new country about a month ago. There are huge adjustments to be made in almost every area of her life, and of course I want to be supportive in any way possible. (We have cousins here and have spent lots of holiday time here in the past, so not completely unfamiliar.)
Early on, there were a few unpleasant incidents with children at school being mean, and I had to ask the teacher to address the low level bullying. The teacher was very supportive and dealt with it immediately, and the treatment seems to have stopped - certainly the culprits are no longer behaving in the same way, and do not feature in dd's conversation.
However, dd seems to be in a phase (please god let it be a phase) of coming home every day and telling several stories of how she was snubbed, ignored, made fun of, etc. I have been (and will continue to be ) very sympathetic, but am starting to wonder if she's veered into persecution/victim mode.
There are daily tales of 'no one wants to play with me at break', which springs from getting one negative response and then giving up/retreating in a wounded manner to a bench where she sits alone (instead of scampering off to find someone else to play with). Today it was the fact that she told a boy she was afraid of dogs, and he then told the entire class her 'secret' and 'everyone was staring at her' (she's only afraid of dogs she doesn't know, but clearly wasn't able to articulate that). Another time, a boy was spitting in the classroom and somehow her squeals of protest resulted in both of them being told off. (Who knows why she didn't simply move away or say 'stop spitting'). Etc.
How can I be sympathetic, but also help her toughen up a bit and learn how to deal with things - or get her to shrug things off and take them in her stride? She didn't behave this way at her old school where she was well liked and 'fit in' - perhaps she is struggling to find her place and adjust in the new situation? But it sometimes seems she might be unconsciously 'playing' on her outsider status as an attention seeking ploy, as if eliciting pity/sympathy is her guaranteed trump card if she's feeling anxious/insecure.
I also wonder if the fact that she is an only child means she doesn't know how to deal with the normal rivalry, friction, flippant comments, and teasing that siblings regularly dish out to each other and those around them. She seems completely unable to deal with things in any way other than a full on retreat.
Anyone experienced anything similar, and have some good strategies to suggest? What can I do to help her deal with things better in the moment, learn to put things in perspective, and be more resilient?
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How to support a sensitive child, but stop short of encouraging over-sensitivity?
9 replies
Earlybird · 18/09/2007 03:51
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