Help, I need some advice

[mumofabby]

I'm having real problems with my 4 year old at the moment (she turned 4 about 2 weeks ago). I was lucky that the "terrible 2's" never happened for me but now she seems to have become a little monster overnight. I'm not saying she has been perfect up until now but her behaviour towards me especially seems to be really bad to the point where I think that I'm a rubbish mother and nothing I do seems to work and she has had me in tears several times . When she's naughty I've tried sending her to her room, I've tried using the naughty stair but short of sticking her to it with super glue that does not work as she just runs away from me laughing, I've taken her favourite toys away saying she can have them back when she calms down and says sorry, I've tried ignoring her demands but nothing seems to work . When she can't get her own way she just screams at the top of her voice in my face, she has shoved me and hit me in the back and is very demanding - for example get me some chocolate, get me some crips, get me a drink, I feel more like a servant sometimes than her mum. If I ask her to do something she just defies me and runs away laughing or just screams at me.

I've recently been off work for 2 weeks (being unwell) and am wondering whether it could be something to do with this - hearing people saying things like "you must be good as mummy is'nt very well" could she perhaps be playing on this, I just don't know.

It's just got to the point where everything is so negative, which makes matters worse and I just don't know what to do. I'm really desperate for some advice can anyone out there help me I feel like such a failure as a mum.

[lilolilmanchester]

Hi Mumofabby, sorry you're having such a hard time. Looking after a difficult child is hard enough, but even worse when you're not feeling too well and therefore probably don't have much energy. My DS was difficult at that age too. Persistence and consistency is the only answer. Try watching Supernanny or House of Tiny Tearaways - wish they'd been around when mine was younger. The last Supernanny I saw, the poor Mum had to return the child to the naughty seat many, many times. Each time without entering into conversation, and ignoring the child's laughing. Not easy, I know, but it worked for that child - eventually. It takes a lot of energy and patience, probably when you've least got it, but the alternative sadly is for the bad behaviour to carry on and get worse. Also make sure that you reward good behaviour - some people swear by star or sticker charts, but also a hug and say "I really liked it when you did....". YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE - this sounds like relatively normal behaviour for a strongminded 4 year old. But you do need to nip it in the bud.

[law3]

Has she just started nursery?? my previous 'little angel' turned into the devil overnight a few days into starting nursery.

I put it down to being tired, new routine etc and have just tried to carry on as normal and wait for it to blow over (i hope)

[mumofabby]

Hi Law3 - She has just gone from Nursery to Pre School (Nursery was 4 mornings a week and now Pre School is 5 afternoons a week and she is very much a child of routine so may be this coupled with me being off work for 2 weeks sick has had an affect on her behaviour.

I know it probably sounds obvious but I have been so lucky up until now with her behaviour (although she is no little angel and has had her moments) this is so out of character for her. I think I'm just going to have to be patient with her.

Thanks for your and lilolilmanchester's advice it's much appreciated.

MumofAbby