Help 6 year old son rough behaviour at school

(12 Posts)
Ldougle2 Tue 10-Mar-20 22:07:16

Hi, I hoping to get some sound advise regarding the schools policy for helping with rough behaviour.

My son has been involved in several incidents of being rough and retaliating with a serious incident of pulling a child to the ground injuring them requiring treatment at the hospital. I was mortified and on speaking with son found out the reason of the other children not allowing him to play there game.

The school have understandably put in measures, and I can fully understand other kids safety comes first. My son has not been allowed out at play times for 8 weeks now, and he has showed how sorry he was saying he did not mean to hurt this girl so badly.

He is only 6 and I’m now getting very concerned that not allowing him out for such a long period will be very damaging to his mental well-being with building positive relationships, I feel that this is isolating him too much and may result in the children thinking he is different hence increasing the likely good of being teased when he is eventually aloud out, which is no time soon according to the school.

Any advise will be greatly appreciated

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFave Wed 11-Mar-20 04:16:05

That sounds terrible! Obviously he shouldnt be doing what he did and it's very upsetting for the other child but the school should be HELPING your son learn better social skills....not isolating him!

That's what this is in effect.

In all honesty OP I would simply look for a new school....give him a fresh start and go in very heavily with helping him learn better social skills.

How is his language? Does he speak well? Was he on time with language milestones?

Any concerns about his development in other areas?

Ldougle2 Wed 11-Mar-20 07:16:27

Thanks for your response, has met all milestones, and is at the correct level in school just has some issues with social development. I have explained to the school there must a reason behind this behaviour as the school are suggesting it’s unprovoked. I have been told be another parent that there child has said he has been constantly harassed and chased in the play ground to be told this has not been witnessed by playtime attendants.

I just feel the longer he is not allowed out the more damaging this is going to be, I,v done some research and states playtimes are really important.

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strawberrylipgloss Wed 11-Mar-20 09:27:37

In my experience all kids would be behaving worse if they didn't have some playtime to let off steam.
8 weeks of no playtime is cruel and pointlessly long punishment.
I agree with you that this punishment will make the other children and parents label him negatively and there is a chance that he can't undo the reputation of being "naughty" and "violent"

I have had my kids at a school where there were children who couldn't cope with being in the playground with other kids. They had a different playtime to the other kids and went out to play with their one-to-one TA. (This is like 10 years ago when schools were better funded so no idea if it still happens)

The playground supervisors are looking after a lot of kids each so they can't possibly see everything. I would expect them to only witness a tiny proportion of incidents

Personally I'd be moving schools but if you want to stay at the school then I'd be asking them to come up with a definitive plan. Does he need help with social skills? Many schools have nurture groups for kids who need support.

What was his behaviour like last year?

FortunesFave Wed 11-Mar-20 09:33:30

Go to your GP and ask them to refer your son to an educational psychologist. That will open the doors for your son to be assessed for anything which might be causing his issues.

Of course, he may simply be a little bit immature...and not quite have caught up socially. Social skills are no different to other skills with kids...some kids read early, some walk or talk early or late and some kids are naturals at making friends and others take longer.

Try to talk to your son in simple terms that he can grasp...practice ways to approach other kids in a non threatening way.

Saying things like "I'm going to see if I can jump really far...do you want a go next?" are more successful than "Can I play with you?"

Help him by showing him appropriate reactions...but in the meantime, make an appointment with the school head and demand that he has some support socially and that he has his playtimes back!

Jannt86 Wed 11-Mar-20 10:40:57

Bloody hell! A lad pushed me down a school bank at playtime once when I was 8 and broke my wrist. He got into trouble for sure but everyone involved understood that it was an accident and I no longer played with that child which was a natural consequence for him. I agree that it needs to be made clear to your son that it's unacceptable behaviour and that there are consequences but I think a sincere apology and a few days of no playtime or preferably carefully supervised playtime and an explanation that he's to stay away from this group of children would've been much more appropriate. 8 weeks is a lifetime for a kid his age. I'd be raising concerns about how the school has dealt with this and asking what in their punishment is helping your son? Are they doing any kind of one to one work with him in this isolated time to help build his social skills and resilience? Otherwise nothing is really going to improve. Of course safety is paramount but I agree with the other posters that this punishment isn't really going to help and I'd be having words with the school and considering moving. Good luck xx

Ldougle2 Wed 11-Mar-20 11:33:01

Thank you so much for all your replies. The school are saying they are trying to help, And after persistent concerns be raised by both parents have agreed to allow son out for 15 minutes with two or three other children once a day.

I still feel this is not right though, and we have raised concerns again. I feel concerned about making a complaint as this may make the situation worse.

OP’s posts: |
FortunesFave Wed 11-Mar-20 11:37:50

Yeah not good enough. Can you consider a new school OP?

I understand about worrying about making it worse. I'm the same.

strawberrylipgloss Wed 11-Mar-20 12:11:28

This is really not right. Even people in prison get an hour of exercise.Your son needs to go out twice a day (break and lunch)

I'd be asking about how they select the 2 or 3 kids allowed out too. Are they his friends? Are they always the same kids? If the 2/3 kids are the same every playtime and were asked to play with your son then it could raise resentment from these kids who might have chosen to play football or tag with 10 others.

My kids school had an area of the playground where an adult led playground games like "What's the Time Mr Wolf?" If that's the same in your playground then I'd be asking that he be allowed to play there for say a week then have a trial period of free play in the playground.

Are they planning to punish him indefinitely? I suspect your son will be suffering mentally and psychologically by this punishment and not able to concentrate properly in class as he hasn't had a chance to run around

strawberrylipgloss Wed 11-Mar-20 12:15:26

I'd be asking what your son does when the others go out to play. If it's not something that's going to contribute to his reintroduction to the playground ("help") then it's not fair on your poor son sad

I'd be asking for timescales, goals and specifics about their help. It's the Easter holidays soon and if this isn't sorted by then your son is going to start heading towards school refusal and behaving badly since his school think so lowly of him.

strawberrylipgloss Wed 11-Mar-20 12:18:18

My son was badly hurt in the playground in y2. (No long-term effects but needed medical treatment ) He was more than satisfied when the child who hurt him lost a week of playtime and didn't approach him like that again.
8 weeks is a punishment that adults have decided. It is not helpful at all and your son should have a chance to prove that it was a one off or that the school need to hire an adult to watch him

Ldougle2 Wed 11-Mar-20 17:57:21

Thank you again this has been really useful, I will arrange a meeting with the school and if I do not get a good outcome I will ask where I can seek advise from, I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this not right, has given me the confidence to speak to them again, thanks

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