Help with a dictatorial 4 year old

[givemestrenght]

Hoping for some pointers about my nearly 4 year old. she wakes early every morning (5:30am) and shouts and shouts getting increasingly louder until I go in to her, no one else will do, she wakes the rest of the family. She most likely will have been up at least once during the night (we’ve always had it very tricky with getting her to sleep and to stay asleep from 6 months of age and have gone a gentle sleep coach route which has helped a lot as she was waking every 40/60 mins - we were zombies for a year 🧟‍♀️ )

She goes to childcare Monday to Friday from 9 -3pm (fridays pick up at 1:30pm) and they say she is a dream. I think she saves all her pent up frustrations for us.

Weekends or days she is at home the day just goes on with her not cooperating for the day, won’t get dressed, won’t brush her teeth, won’t put her shoes on, won’t put her coat on... you can see how the day goes a constant negotiation about every single thing. I’ve tried giving her choices but unless they are the choices she wants it’s no disco.

She gets tired around 1PM from being up so early and essentially becomes worse in her behavior, screaming, scrapping her brothers face (she won’t let us cut her nails 😭) she will generally have a ‘power nap’ at about 3:30pm for 15 mins, any longer and she won’t go to bed that night.

I’m getting so tired of the near constant ‘battle’ just to have a normal day. I’ve done 1 on 1 time with her, I listen to her needs but refusing to keep her car seat straps or not holding hands on a busy road on are non-negotiable.

She goes to bed by 8PM every night exhausted from the day.

Is this a phase? Will she come out of it and act like a reasonable person?!