How do I handle this school drama?

[Worrywart21]

My son is 8 and has always done well in school, fun, popular and enjoys learning.

Two weeks ago I got a phone call from the school that he was head butted in the playground. I assumed nothing serious and two children ran into each other. When he got home he explained he was playing chase with 1 boy and the boy had grabbed him and said “on a scale of 1-10 how sore is this” and head butted him. My son said “10” and ran away.

After this I was a bit wary and said if anyone ever hits you, hit them back (regretting this now).

It was then half term so he was off school for a week. On his first day back he said the same boy had hit him and he had hit him back.

Today I was standing at the gate and my son comes screaming towards me crying. He said “he shouted at me and said he’d hit me”. I saw red and went over to the man that shouted at my son (I didn’t see it) and said “what’s happened!!!”

He said “I just watched your son attack my son!” I said “who is your son” and he said the boys name that head butted him.

We had quite a heated exchange of words and I replied that his son had head butted my son. The dad knew nothing of this.

We decided to move into a quieter area to discuss this. The dad claims his son is not violent at all and is very quiet. I claim the same. We finally tel both boys to shake hands and if anyone hits anyone then not to hit back and to tell the teacher.

When we got to the car my son explained that the boy kept tripping him up in the class room. My son said “don’t do that again otherwise I’ll fight u after school”. He kept doing it. After school my son ran over and pushed him according to my son and “attacked him” according to the other dad.

I feel guilty as I encouraged my son to hit back. Meaning if he was being bullied to stand up for himself. Instead of telling the teacher about the tripping up he went outside to fight. I’m devastated.

what do I do next?

Did I handle it correctly?

I’m very embarrassed as I was very emotional in the playground when I seen my son in tears. He was in tears as the dad has shouted at him. I had no idea what had happened at this point and was extremely cross.

I have apologised on behalf of my son and banned him from his PlayStation is this the right thing to do?

[BillHadersNewWife]

You should speak to the teacher and tell them everything. That way, your son won't be dealt with badly if he has another indiscretion. Don't feel bad about telling him to hit back....though it's wrong, it's so hard when our children get hurt.

Discuss it all with your son again so he can make sense of it.

[Worrywart21]

Thanks, I just think that although I’m “okay” with hitting back if hit first, my son waiting until after school to hit the boy back as it happened in the classroom. Instead he should have told the teacher.

The dad has simply watched his son walk out of the school door and my son run up and push him.

I will arrange a meeting with his teacher.

[BillHadersNewWife]

Hitting back is never the answer. Self defence is a different matter. Learning to keep someone from hitting you is far more valuable and less dangerous.

[Lolacat1234]

My son does taekwondo and if this is something you can look into for the future for your son I would highly recommend it. The ethos my son has learned is that you don't need to accept when someone is physically intimidating or threatening you, and you can put a stop to it without resorting to all out hitting. He is developing the confidence to tell people to back away from him and if someone does move to strike him he has techniques to block and push away without being physically aggressive. But it's mostly about the attitude it teaches and the confidence it gives, my son knows it's something never to be used in an aggressive way but knows if someone were to come for him he can put a stop to it and defend himself. On top of that he absolutely loves it, he's 8 as well xx

[Worrywart21]

Thanks, that’s definitely something to look into.

We moved to the area just before he started p1 but it’s not the best area. We have been talking about moving next year but after this I genuinely feel like bringing it forward.

The boys in his class speak about fighting and are very boisterous and rough. I feel like he’s at a vulnerable age and id rather move him away from this. Maybe I’m naive and of course it could happen again but I can only try my best.

Today I walked him round to his classroom door and waiting until he walked into the classroom. I will do the same at home time instead of waiting at the gate.

I also decided to collect him for a home lunch today. Just to get him out of the environment and catch up as it’s so fresh.