8 year old daughter

[rochellekeiser]

I am so exhausted to the max where i get excited just to pass out on my bed.i am out of ideas and i feel like i have really lost myself as a mother and a wife but most of all as a woman. My 8 year old daughter is just so out of control and i have no idea what to do think or feel anymore. Have tried so many times to help her, be there for her and guide her. But it is just problem after problem. Not sure if i am the only mom in this situation but will be interesting to know if there is more. My daughters attitude stinks. she always says "i don't know" or " i can't remember" even when i ask her what is wrong..."i don't know" it is driving me crazy. she does not listen or follow instructions. refuses to learn anything. And the talking back part i just want to scream. I have a 2 year old son and he is picking up so much bad stuff from her. My daughter always think she knows better. I need advise moms out there as i really just need to start feeling like a woman again. I feel like i have failed her in so many ways. And it is embarrassing when her step dad has no reason to be proud of her. I do discipline and punish my daughter but nothing bothers her is like she just does not care. and talking....lets just say wasting my time. please her.

[Notodontidae]

This is a common problem, brought about by a number of factors. The non-smacking loby say there is no place for smacking, and at 8 years old if done half-hearted, it probably wouldn't have that much effect. The problem is that she is hurting really bad, and nothing you do now as a punishment will come close. You refer to a step-dad, which means you are separated from her father, and its your fault in her eyes. Talking-back is rarely admonished at school either, so it makes it easier at home. Your also right to worry about the 2YO, as eventually DD will entice him to misbehave. You either have ten more years of putting up with it, giving your love, talking to expert child psychologists, SEN, teachers and a diagonosis of ASD. or nip it in the bud now before she reaches 9YO. Your Choice.

[rochellekeiser]

Thank you so much for your reply. and how do i nip it in the butt if i have done everything possible and still doing it? also as far as her real dad he has been out of the picture since she was 1 years old? how can she blame that on me if she cant remember him or even know him? i am glad to see that some stuff is normal. but should i take her to go see someone?

[Notodontidae]

Hi Thanks for the update, that clarification does change things a little bit. First I'm sure you told DS that your partner is her step-dad, what is strange though, is that you implied her poor behaviour is recent. Generally once a child knows their boundaries, which should be age 5 or below, although they will always try to push them to see if they fail, a cross word is all that is needed to get them to toe the line again. Now only you will know this one, is it possible that you did not nip it in the bud at 5YO by being asertive, giving warnings of consequencies for poor behaviour and not following through. An 8YO is more difficult to punish than a 5YO. It must have the desired effect to change behaviour. You will have to find the one thing she cannot do without and take it away in increments until she learns her behaviour is not acceptable. 1st time a day, 2nd time 2 days etc. If you really cannot find anything, you will have to revert to my first course of action above. Make sure you find time for discussion about her behaviour, when she is relaxed. Good Luck

[samsedge]

We are having a similar issue at he moment our daughter is 7 1/2 (our son just turned 2) I honestly cant help, but I can say that you are bot alone. I flog my guts out on a daily basis for our first born, classes here classes there, making sure bags are packed for school, cleaning tidying, organising, feeding and I get not a thank you in return. I've come to the conclusion conclusion that because I always do everything she now basically see it as my job. The attitude behaviour and the way she speaks to me stinks. I am also concerned about how this effect our son, who is an angel. I'm at the end of my tether and have little left energy wise to cope. There is only so much shouting, removal of privileges, talking quietly any one person can do. You are not alone