6 ur old hitting sibling

[worriedandannoyed]

My 6 year old daughter is really spiteful towards her older sister. She doesn't listen, constantly winds her sister up and argues back all the time. I split with her dad end of last year but the behaviour has been going on longer than that, she's an angel at school. Has never been in trouble or hurt anyone else, just her sister. She's very jealous of any time I spend giving her sister attention, she sleeps in my bed (long story but she does have her own bedroom) and people have said this should stop. I'm afraid she'll be worse if I make her sleep in her own bed as she'll feel more insecure.

Reward chart is starting again tomorrow, any other ideas? Thanks x

[milliefiori]

At the risk of stating the obvious, have you talked to her and listened to what she says?
Have you said, ' I notice your behaviour is usually really easy going and happy but you seem to get so angry with your sister? Why is this, do you think?' And, 'Your sister gets so unhappy when you are mean to her. You're not mean normally so what's going on?'

She needs to be shown how to empathise. Ask her if she'd like it if you annoyed her all the time. Ask her how she'd feel and why and hold out for an answer. It's not a rhetorical question.
Ask her what sort of behaviour from others makes her feel happy. Then ask would she prefer her sister to feel irritation and sadness when she sees her or to feel happiness and love. Ask her to come up with some good ideas for fun things they can do and to work out how to react if she realises she;s winding her sister up.

It could be one big call for attention from her sis. Or she could be really angry and upset at the split and taking it out on the least threatening, least powerful member of the family.

Whatever the reason, you need to show her the effect it's having and the better effect she could be having.

[worriedandannoyed]

Thanks for your reply!

The hitting started before the split, I guess now I'm doing all the parenting by myself I'm finding it increasingly harder and harder to deal with. I do ask her and she says well she did such and such to wind me up... etc. Or she came in my room and I didn't want her to....

I've told her if she has a problem she needs to come and see me and not just hit to get her own way.

I regularly show her photos from when she was younger and they were really close and show her how much her sister has always loved her since she was born. Sometimes she brings it up during the day, remembering a photo of her sister hugging her as a baby and I remind her she still loves her. She knows it's not right because she wouldn't dare do the same to a friend. I think she's just so impulsive that she lashes out before thinking, she is lacking slightly in empathy and we're working on it. This is just really dragging me down. They have moments when they're best friends and it's lovely, I know all siblings argue but this is quite extreme