Bedtime Help Please

[LoveMyDaughterT]

I need help. I’m pulling my hair out. Especially this evening. I need advice, not “its normal” etc. I am a single mum, father not around, that’s a different story and he walked away, but my 5 year old daughter is hell at bedtime.

I get punched, kicked, screamed at right in my face she spits in my face.

She is in a routine, we put the toys away, do teeth have story etc all that is good. It’s actually going to sleep.

Over the weekend I got 3 hours Saturday night and 3 hours Sunday because of this. So tonight I got in my bed at 7pm when she did. Was fine, she was going to sleep, until I fell asleep. She had come to my bed and woke me up, I said why did you wake me up she said I don’t know. I explained that she shouldn’t wake me unless she actually needs me. I proceeded to get kicked, spat on, yelled at, screamed at all because I told her to get in bed.

She doesn’t have ADHD or anything as she’s lovely at school and to other people but I feel like I’m her worst enemy.

Her father was violent and had a massive temper (it was an abusive relationship, he was violent and abusive towards me and he hasn’t been around since 11 weeks old) it’s not as if she remembered anything cos she was so young.

She’s told me she loves other people more than me. I feel bullied by her and she’s only 5??

I’ve spoken to my mum and she goes “you need to do what she wants you to do” and when I tell her off my mum goes “I don’t like it when she has a paddy and cries” I’m thinking well she needs to know right from wrong or she’s never gonna learn.

Time out in hallway is now not working, because as soon as she’s been there and I’ve explained why she’s been there and she’s apologised etc she’s back to being naughty again.

I hate to say this but I hate being a mum at the moment. There’s no joy in it at the moment. I used to love it. But now I don’t.

I’ve walked out the bedroom and she’s followed me into mine and just full blown kicked me, I have bruises on my legs.

I need advise on how to deal with it. Please don’t leave negative comments, I won’t reply to them, I need ones that can actually help me.

[TigerQuoll]

I don't have experience so feel free to ignore but what about the supernanny technique of wordlessly taking her back to her room and tucking her in, and completely ignoring the violence? My guess is she is looking for entertainment and the only thing she can find is negative attention by hurting you. That supernanny technique would hopefully make her give up eventually as it won't get her anywhere.

Or if you think she is too old for that, there's bribery - something reasonably immediate like a special breakfast treat she doesn't normally have if the previous night was uneventful (glass of orange juice, crumpet, pancakes?) or something longer term like a trip to soft play on the weekend if the whole week was uneventful (could frame it as, when you get woken up you get tired, and if you are hurt you need time to recover, and can't go out on the weekend).

[Cbh85]

Have you tried perhaps doing something at bedtime that is forbidden any othertime of the day. Like a barbie doll and comb so she can talk to her in bed and brush her hair.... but she can only come out when shes bed ready!! Special. Like the elf, then in the morning she disappears. She might look forward to thats special time in bed with her. Or somekind of fairy doll or something she hasnt already go. Or like those muffin/cake dolls. Hopefull all taht calm hair brushing or talking will make her fall asleep.

My son is full of beans! Happy go lucky but wired!! We'd have to take a night walk befire bed around the block, we'd chat walk and i knew we'd done good when he'd ask to be picked up.

Maybe even consider a chat in her room for every day of tbe week for how well she goes to bed. You can say barbie did it! She gave her the score/sticker.... and if when she gets to sunday and shes had more blue stars than red stars she going to have a treat??? 🤷‍♀️ xx