Badly behaved 19m/o - help!

[YogaMama94]

Hi everyone!

This is a bit of a vague question but it's something I'd really appreciate some advice on.

My 19 m/o daughter is terrible at following instructions and being told what to do. She has such a strong will, she just does what she wants regardless of what I'm trying to tell her. A few examples: we're walking down a busy street and I ask her to hold my hand (I feel a lot better having that physical connection in those situations to stop her getting in the way or getting lost), and she'll just pull her hand away and outright refuse. Sometimes we'll walk holding hands, but only if it's what she feels like at that moment.

But the biggest issue - and the motivation for my posting this question - is her behaviour at groups. I've recently started taking her to a football class for toddlers aged 18 months - 3 years and there are breaks between the activities where the children sit with their parents while the coach explains the next activity. She's always excited from the previous activity so getting her to sit with me rather than run off cause distractions is a nightmare. She'll push away from me and scream and cry and I always feel so embarrassed, because every other child is sitting there quietly.

I don't doubt it's some part of my parenting that's responsible for this behaviour, but I don't know what. In every other way she's a perfectly well-rounded child. She shares well with other children, she's not at all violent or aggressive (unless I'm having to force her to do something, like sit still in football), she's learning to tidy up after herself... etc.

Any thoughts would be massively appreciated!!

[AladdinMum]

If she is meeting all the usual milestones (specially gesturing) then I wouldn't worry too much as it sounds like personality. In my years I have dealt with the most calm and placid toddlers to the most strong-willed, stubborn, loud, extrovert, and busy toddlers. Your daughter sounds like one of the latter, and while more challenging to control them at this age (they do try to be stubbornly independent), they say that this type of personality, if it persists, will serve them well into adulthood :)

[lovely36]

It's completely normal. My 18 month old is the same. Some days simply trying to fix his sleeve will make him have a meltdown. Today he wanted to go outside but it was pouring down. I said we can't. He threw himself on the floor and nothing I said or did helped. I just had to let him get the frustration out. I was so stressed out. I had a banging head ache after. I gave him his lunch. He threw another tantrum because he didn't like what was on his plate. Again he just cried and cried I couldn't say anything because it only made him scream more. He refused to eat. Once it stopped raining I said "ok we can go on a walk now." He had another meltdown because he didn't want to wear a jacket. I got it on him while screaming and crying. WLked outside and he decided he didn't want to walk he wanted me to carry him. I said no way! My back is already in agony. I tried to distract him, I tried to talk to him. I tried everything. Nothing helps at the moment all I can do is accept this is a stage he's going through. He's trying to cope with all these new emotions and the frustration he gets that he can't communicate with me as well as he wants. Very very difficult OP. I'm exhausted. Just hang in there.

[YogaMama94]

Thank you both, that's really reassuring to hear