Hitting others at 2.4 years, what to be done?

[oasis]

My young nephew has been hitting and lashing out at adults an other children. My sister is on her own and the naughty step has proved to be a failure, what next? I have suggested taking a favoured toy away when he misbehaves and not giving it back until he has a spell of good behaviour. Will this work?

He is a bright boy, and sometimes very sweet, but this stage is really wearing his Mum down. He goes to a childminder 3 times per week and there is a 7 year old boy he plays with (rough and tumble type playing - blurring his boudaries?) and he has a 20 month gap between him and his 6 month old sister.

This is just a stage I know, and obviously the new arrival has been a major factor. He also went away on holiday with his Mum to see her in-laws for a month which has seen his misbehaviour escalate, lots of attention to young baby.

Just looking for an effective way of breaking this cycle he seems to be on, we are trying to give him the extra attention he needs, but he invariably ends hitting someone at some point in the day.

[hippmummy]

Hi oasis

what problems are you having with the naughty step? I don't mean to be presumptious or critical of your sister at all, but I found from experience that the key to it working is consistancy. But I appreciate that this can be impossible sometimes with a baby and with no other back up.

IMO direct immediate action is far more effective in child of 2.4 than something like toy removal/return which requires a greater understanding of long term consequences.

Basically what I'm saying is that if you can get time out/removal/naughty step to work it is probably your best bet at his age.

[oasis]

Hi Hippymummy, once he has hit he is promptly put on the naughty step and left for 2 minutes. The problem is he does not seem bothered by it at all and he will resume his misehaviour. It is explained at the end why he was on step and he is made to apologise to injured party. Obviously this is not always as effective at playdates/groups.

Is the naughty step being done wrong do you think?

[LoveMyGirls]

I had this with a mindee i used to have (i'm a childminder) i used to use time out everytime straight away for hitting, no warnings. eventually it stopped after about 3-4weeks, as with any stage, it's hard but remind your sister its something he will soon stop doing.

I also used to tell his mum and he would get told off by her and she would put him straight to bed when he got home (i didnt suggest this btw) i also used to give him lots and lots of over the top praise when he was playing nicely and if he did go a whole day without hitting i used to give him a sticker and his mum would let him have his fav video on when he got home.

[oasis]

Thanks for the sticker/reward tip. Will suggest this and a daily mantra of "it's just a stage"

[LoveMyGirls]

Actually thinking about it think he got a sticker in the morning for not hitting and then another one in the afternoon.

[bozza]

Yeah I think morning and afternoon sounds better - all day is a long time at that age. I have always sat my children on the step for that kind of behaviour at that age. Where is the step? Is it boring enough being there?

[hippmummy]

It sounds like exactly what I would do for naughty step so not sure why he's not responding!

My point about being constistent was does she do it exactly the same way, and do it every single time he hits? I only ask because being alone, and with a small baby I would find it impossible to be rigid.
Are there any times when the naughty step is threatened and not carried out immediately? Or she's busy and just can't deal with the situation right away.

This is the downside of time out - when it works it's great, but any sign of a slip-up and toddlers prey on it!

I'm sorry I don't have a more positive solution - was just trying to find out if there was anyway she could get naughty step to work better for her.

[martini82]

hi oasis,

i have had the same problem with my ds, i tried the step and it didn't work, tried a corner that didn't work, tried the reward chart it worked for a while then he got bored with it, tried taking a toy away and he wasn't bothered!

then it was suggested to look at what he ate to cut out all artificial colours and preservatives, which was hard work but worked a treat. i have since found out he is intollerant to all sorts (dairy,pork, oranges, berries aswell as lots of other things)since cutting all of these out of his diet he is a different child and responds well to doing as i tell him, i hardly have to tell him off now!!!

[oasis]

Thanks for input Hippymummy. I think a combination of having two young children to deal with does dilute the naughty step effect. Interestingly my sister has mentioned on more than one occaision that she might keep a food diary for him. Is this how you worked out food triggers Martini82?

[martini82]

i worked out some of them like that but some were too dificult to pin point like citric acid, which is in most foods that doesn't have preservatives and also sugar in general!!! which both came to light when i had him tested. but its not only food some wipes and body washes can make him worst as he was absorbing things through the skin.

[americantrish]

my son, is 3 and has taken in the last few months to sometimes hitting and biting (other children at nursery) or me and dh at home.
its never to late to start showing him that hitting hurts and causes 'ouches' and people/mommy/daddy/children will 'cry' and it's not nice. (and if you believe in it, to have them say sorry.)
taking a toy away may work, but if that toy wasnt the cause of the hitting, it might not work. whenever ds manages to hit or bite myself or dh, he's made to sit on his bed for one minute (which we are gradually building up to 2 minutes and eventually 3.)

he might benefit from some play with children more his own age too. a 7 year old will, without knowing really, play rougher with a 2 year old. but the whole hitting is a stage, and he will, stop in time.

also making sure the 2 year old has plenty of outlets for his energy.
is he tired? hungry? bored? when he seems to hit. maybe keeping a 'diary' of his behaviour thru the day for a week (tedious, i know! but may help identify what may be causing it.) could help.

i hope it passes soon

[chipkid]

this is really wearing. My ds was like this. Your sister has to be consistent-time out for every act of violence-if naughty step doesn't work-putting him in room away from the attention might.

It is a phase my ds has now outgrown it (age 5) until he does your sister has to be prepared to stay very close to her child when he is playig with other children so as to prevent as much as possible. Also she must be prepared to leave a party, soft play etc when hitting takes place after a warning. This really worked with my ds when he realised that I was serious with my threat to leave.

ABOVE ALL it is a common phase particularly amongs active boys in my experience AND IT SHOULD PASS