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“Difficult” baby? Will it ever get easier?

(8 Posts)
Abigail333 Thu 14-Feb-19 20:52:22

I hate feeling so down but DD is 7mo
Since about 2mo she began becoming very whiney and cried a lot that it broke me more than one occasion.
Comic and reflux was ruled out by doctor as her crying and complaining was all day and night long and HV told us “some babies are like that”

As the months went on, we began to see she wouldn’t be interested in toys or objects unless we held them for her, she hates tummy time/on back and now after a slight bit of excitement, has got bored sitting upright
Her sleep was the only good thing where she would go down from 8 and sleep through till 8/9 but she never ever napped more than 20/30mins from day1

Now, since 4mo she screams in terror at everyone who smiles at her including in-laws who she sees every week - only her dad and I can hold her

She still won’t play with toys for more than 5-10mins but the second I nip into another room she screams - I’ve been playing peekaboo since 2m

We can’t go out because she cries and moans from the second we step out the door and to the local shop 10mins away and all the way back so now I am confined to the house to avoid the Embarrassment

She does do well in baby groups thankfully so I can have a tiny bit of sociability but there is only 2 a week for 30mins each but she doesn’t last the full 30mins without her upset about something

And her naps and sleep have became a battleground, she won’t sleep unless in our arms, and just to get her to sleep can at times take between 30m to (today ) an hour and a half

I’m worn, emotional, stressed, edgy, anxious - everything I really shouldn’t be around my baby. I hate seeing people boast on Facebook about how amazing and easy going their babies are and I can never say that - the only time I enjoy with her is playing with her toys and games but there is only so long you can do that before waring yourself out - I thought by this age, she could at least content herself for even a few minutes
We have no friends or family near by who can help us so it is just us and OH works 6-6 so it’s just me half the day.

I am feeling so low and I don’t know what to do or who to turn to and don’t think HV can suggest anything besides telling me again that she is a difficult temperament and how it could means she could be successful in the future

I just want to enjoy time with my baby, not feel on edge all the time
Please tell me it gets better, I’ve lost any positive thinking I had at the start

surreygirl1987 Thu 14-Feb-19 23:34:16

Awwww you poor thing. I am in a similar boat though perhaps to a lesser extent. My baby (4 monthe old) is very whingy a lot of the time and it drives me mad. He needs constant attention and gets frustrated and bored easily. He's amazing but so difficult to manage and yes I totally know what you mean about taking him out... every trip out makes me anxious! But I joined a mum's and babies fitness group and he isn't too bad at that - I guess there's lots going on for him to look at. I do find he's much worse when he's overtired though and much more manageable on a strict napping schedule (it was a battle but he's gone from literally NEVER napping apart from 5 min naps in my arms, to 45 min naps in his crib. Not perfect but so so much better!). We use the Little Ones programme. They sound so alike though- his night sleep was amazing too (7-7) although he does wake up once in the night now. He does have reflux and some allergies (trying to get to the bottom of it) which probaby doesn't help though.
I find the best thing for me to do us to take breaks baby. It makes me miss him. I'm breastfeeding so it's not for long but if I leave a bottle of expressed milk in the fridge for emergencies I can leave him.with my husband while I nip to the shops etc and get some perspective. Hugs - I know it's hard. I wish I knew more people with 'high needs' babies like mine IRL as it makes it easier when you're not alone!

surreygirl1987 Thu 14-Feb-19 23:34:54

Ps I have been told it gets much easier and that I basically have a toddler in a baby's body xx

Abigail333 Fri 15-Feb-19 11:43:11

I’m so glad I’m not alone,
I am desperately searching for a pt job so I can care during the day but I had the mother of all meltdown nap fighting from 930-1130 then gave up and had to take my phone interview with her screaming in another room
I won’t lie, I broke down twice because she flips about so much she hurts herself

I’m praying some miracle can appear and she suddenly wants to play so I can get a break and some food for once.

I’m just so jealous of these easy baby families- I love her to death but I’m drained

Yippeeayeyeah Sat 16-Feb-19 20:06:40

Hi op, just wanted to share my story. From the moment he was born DS was a difficult baby- cried constantly and never seemed happy. Up until he was 1 we barely left the house as he would just scream and scream.
He is nearly 2 now and honestly he is a dream! I found that once he could walk and say a few words things changed drastically. I really believe some babies just hate being babies!
I am now the now the one with the “easy” toddler.
I promise you it will get better, the 1st year is by far the worst.

Abigail333 Sat 16-Feb-19 21:16:41

Thank you so much Yippee,
I’ve babysay loads of babies and my family fostered babies for years and it was just a shock how different my LO was compared to those.
I had a bad moment yesterday and LO had the worst tantrum I’ve ever seen that I broke down because I had a lot of stress on my plate because maternity is finishing this month and my job couldn’t go PT so I’m panicking about money, panicking about how others wouldn’t be able to handle LO, panicking about being cooped up in the house with no chance for “me” time

But today, I decided to push all the stresses away, OH is a wonderful father and is doing everything to make my life easier, as for job, I went through ideas last night and should I not find a job in time, I’ll start one - I don’t believe in sitting about doing nothing and tbh I really shouldn’t give any thought to how people handle her, if they want to be in her life, they need to take the rough with the smooth

However, LO gave us a little beam of hope today and her stranger anxiety seems to have relaxed around the in-laws - just a few weeks ago she screamed in terror and today MiL held her and played with her and not one tear!

It’s giving me hope hearing your stories that things will eventually calm down - she’s a tough little nut but I love her no matter how she is, I just need to learn to be a bit stronger ❤️

Gem222w Sun 17-Feb-19 16:51:25

Hi OP, my DD was a 'difficult' baby. She is 23 months now and so much better. I mean she still had her moments but I am actually starting to enjoy being a mother now. I hated the entirety of my 10 months of Mat leave. Once she started walking at 13 months she got quite a lot better and when she started talking in short sentences in the last few months she is better still. I genuinely believe the first 12 months were just her being frustrated at not physically being able to do what she wanted and unable to communicate. She also used to cry when she was with anyone other than me or my OH but is great now. She had to be bounced to sleep for naps and bedtime up until about 11 months old. Some nights we would be at it for up to 2 hours and she'd nap at max of 45 mins. Now she naps for an average of 2 hours and sleeps through 8pm-7am. I'm dreading the terrible twos but I can't imagine (poss naively) them being any worse than the first 12 months. Take care of yourself in this difficult time. X

lovely36 Mon 18-Feb-19 12:00:51

My son was the same. Clingy, cried over everything. At 8 months he developed stranger anxiety. So I'd literally anyone who wasn't me or his dad looked at him, he'd scream. Fast forward to now he's 18 months he couldn't be any more different. He's independent, lively, funny, friendly. Talks to Evryone and says hi to evryone. I can do things now!! It's sooo much easier now. Also because he can communicate and walk.

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