Talk

Flip

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Help for a child who crumbles when put on the spot?

5 replies

highashormones · 12/01/2019 07:51

My DS suffers from confidence issues. He has a slight difference in his looks before of a problem at birth and prematurity means he has always been a little behind. He has also been diagnosed with processing issues. But he fights to keep up and is well liked amongst the boys how are all very protective of him.

The problem is that when a teacher asks him a question in class or any situation where the focus is on him, his bottom lip starts wobbling and he stumbles to get his words out. Yesterday I had feedback from another parent that he got upset as he had to perform on his own in a drumming workshop. He won't talk about it and says everything is fine.

Does anyone have any tips/advice about how I can help him?

OP posts:

Report

JiltedJohnsJulie · 16/01/2019 19:32

I wish I knew the answer as my DS isn’t the evening most confident. Hopefully someone will be along soon who will have some suggestions.

If not, you could post in SN Chat or Premature Birth Sections to see if anyone can help

Report

Goldmandra · 16/01/2019 20:24

Just explain to school and ask them not to put him on the spot. If they stop, hopefully his confidence will improve and he will eventually start volunteering.

Teachers can assess his understanding perfectly well without asking him in front of the whole class.

Report

AladdinMum · 17/01/2019 09:40

How old is your son?

Report

lovely36 · 17/01/2019 13:06

I had an issue like this and it started from since I can remember being like 3. Always had anxiety worse as a child. When I was put on the spot I would go bright red, my jaw would start shaking and I couldn't think. I would also mumble. It was awful it went on until I was in my 20s! I'm a nursery teacher and when I would have to speak to the parents about their kids my jaw would begin to shake uncontrollably and I would get so nervous and red. It was absolutely humiliating. Only just now it's gone away. And my advice from personal experience as to what I would have liked being gone through it myself would be if when it does happen don't put him on the spot even more. Just pretend like you don't even notice it and it's not there. Because he probably feels embarrassed and if you say something then he for sure knows it was obvious and just adds to the embarrassment. As for his teacher maybe without him being there talk to them about his problem so they are aware and they don't ask him to do too many things where he is put on the spot. I know it can't be completely avoided but I know from experience if it's only once in a while it's not too bad. Unfortunately speaking from experience this will follow him for many years so to you I would suggest you get him professional help. It might have helped me if at the time I got some and it might have prevented me from having anxiety attacks at work. It's awful. I really hope he eventually starts gaining some confidence.

Report

highashormones · 18/01/2019 17:12

Thank you all.

lovely36 I think you are right. He doesn't want to talk about it - I think he thinks if it ignores it it will go away and my instinct is 'forcing' him to do more will erode his confidence, not improve it. I'm not sure where to look for professional help but I think this anxiety is something we will have to get some advice as he gets older