18mo screaming tantrums

[BigSquisher]

I'm after some advice with my 18 month old son!
He's a very strong willed little boy but, I'm struggling to find that all endearing at the moment.
He screeches all the time to show his dissatisfaction at anything, a real piercing screech that goes right through me 😵

Even me just making eye contact with him is enough to set him off. I will make a funny face at him or even say hi in a funny voice and it will invoke a really aggressive reaction from him whereas 2 months or so ago he would have given me a lovely smile and laughed.

He had a 45 minute screaming tantrum earlier and I have no idea what it was over. He didn't want me to pick him up and threw himself to the floor if I held my arms out yet he followed me everywhere making sure he was full on banshee squealing in my face. He was squawking so much that he was making him keck and was almost sick. I tried distraction, ignoring, telling off even holding really tight and shushing but nothing calmed him down until it just petered out.
This happens daily and there seems to be no rhyme nor reason to what upsets him.

He is getting really quite violent with hitting, biting and head butting with now throwing things directly at people added to his delightful antics. He came and threw his truck in my face earlier for no reason.

He finds being told off hilarious and will not listen to "No" no matter how sternly I say it. It seems to spur him on, especially when he likes to be cruel to the cat. He enjoys being told off and will chase her and hit her until I lose my temper. I won't tolerate him being mean to an animal but he just seems to know I can't physically stop him short of smacking him and making him cry which I don't want to do.

He's getting quite aggressive with his peers now too, pushing same ahwd children off ride ons or just going up to them and smacking them in the face.
I understand this can be normal but it is putting me off socialising with him and I feel on edge and can't relax. We have quite a nice group of about 5 kids around the same age that we have mum/kid dates with and I feel awful that my son seems to be bringing the dynamics down and I am worried we will stop being invited places cause no one wants their child hit, do they.
He goes to nursery two mornings a week and they don't seem to have any concerns with him apart from saying that he enjoys playing with older children, especially when the school aged kids join for holiday club. He is happiest when being indulged by 6/7 year olds.

He seems to have quite a severe dislike of me as of late and most of his anger and aggression is directed at me and will always seek out his dad for comfort, which is another thread on its own, but I'm trying to nor let my heart break from rejection show and give him the same love and affection but it's just met with violence!

I realise this post has run quite long now but I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and don't want our days together being an endless cycle of me telling him off.

Please, does any one have any advice?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I’d deal with the hitting first. There’s an excellent article from Ask Dr Sears which should help.

How’s his speech and understanding OP? Doing the 18 month progress checker from Talking Point should help you to assess this.

Is he getting plenty of exercise too? In my (very limited) experience boys needs lots of exercise so things like trips to the park, swimming and building indoor obstacle courses.

How’s his sleep too?

In my rather limited experience again I always found thatcany interaction with tantrums just fed them. I’d be inclined to completely blank him until he’s come around and then give him lots of attention and cuddles.

I’m interested in the Nursery too? Is there a reason they mix children under two with older children?

[BigSquisher]

His speech isn't as good as his peers and he can only say a handful of things and even then it's not pronounced properly e.g. dad is daa, grandma is maw.

No idea about the nursery, he is my only child so don't know how it should be! They don't have an separate rooms for the kids and it's basically just a glorified play group and the kids all play together.

While his speech isn't great, his understanding is spot on and knows pretty much everything I say to him. Which is why the discipline is so frustrating cause I know he knows it's wrong. I've read that piece before and it was helpful thanks, but he doesn't seem to be phased at all by being told off. My friends kids cry at being told no!

I don't want him to be the kid that no one else wants to be around!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

If you’re in the U.K. and it’s a paid for Nursery, I think it’s pretty unusual for them all to be in the same room. From what I understand, it’s more usual to have a baby room, toddler room, preschool room etc. What’s your gut feeling about the Nursery?

If his understanding is good, that’s great. I found that using a few baby signs helped ease the tension at this age massively. There are groups you can go to like Sing & Sign but I found it better to just use a book from the library. The book Calm Parents, Happy Children should help too

[BigSquisher]

He loves nursery and has come on a lot since he started in the summer.
I've not had any cause for concern with the nursery and didn't know the age groups were normally kept separate.
We tried a sign group but he never wanted to sit still long enough to learn anything! I bought a book to help us learn the signs but he never seemed interested.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

With baby signs, I found that you just need to keep using them, so every you say milk, use the sign for it. The same with more, sleep/Nap, Mum, Dad, where and all gone.

Just sign then yourself every time you say the word and he should start signing back.

The Nursery thing is still interesting me. How do they do age related activities if they’re all mixed up. Does he have a dedicated Key Worker? Did you see any other Nurseries before deciding on this one?

[BigSquisher]

I don't know, as I don't do the drop offs or pick ups but I do know from his settling sessions that the room is separated into the little groups with their key worker. He does have his own but I'm not sure what other ages she cares for at the same time.

I didn't look at any others to be honest, as it's local to my in laws and we knew they do lots of out side activities as it's a very small rural nursery attached to the local school. I feel a bit useless now that I didn't check out more!

I'll try the signing again and maybe he will pick it up now he's older

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Don’t feel useless. I sent DS to a truly useless nursery that has since bombed it’s Ofsted. We all live and learn, I didn’t send DC2 there.

How are the tantrums going? Did you manage to look at the book?

[BigSquisher]

I ordered the book from Amazon earlier, arriving Wednesday.
I like the nursery he attends and they do an awful lot with the children and he seems bring home a painting and something he's made every day! The staff are lovely and he has to be caught when it's time to leave so he's obviously happy there.