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Can anyone relate? My heart is breaking(3 Posts)
I’m a mum of 4 month old twins. Over the past week I’ve noticed they’ve started to become more awake and they need more stimulation. They don’t look like newborns anymore and it breaks my heart. My mother in law offered to look after them last week and I got so angry - I felt like she was trying to steal them. This week I can see that they are doting grandparents but I wanted to do it “all alone” because “I am strong and don’t need help.”
It would be selfish to keep them in my house all day while I get the washing/chores done but it’s hard to “let them go.” Is this normal? I find it hard to accept love as I feel like they want something - to steal my babies.
People can feel very attached but this intensity is definitely not normal and you won't help your children by keeping them to yourself. It's early days still, so I can understand feelings being intense but I think if you don't stop feeling this way soon you should be looking to at least talk to someone IRL about this.
Perhaps start by letting ILs have them for a short time, also let yourself spend some time with ILs/other people holding the kids and watching them and reminding yourself that this is OK and normal and good for your kids. If you don't let anyone else 'have' them, the feeling could get more and more ingrained.
It also sounds like you need to ask why you feel such a need to 'do it all yourself' - again, that's not quite normal - is there something in your life or about how you were brought up that makes you feel you have to be totally self-sufficient/do everything right?
Going to be honest I don't relate at all. The older my babies get and the further away from being newborns the better. Not that keen on babies really, I like it when they can talk.
That said when my first was 4 months I was terrified to leave him with anyone, I thought he'd feel like I'd betrayed him or something.
Now I have my second I am counting down the days till the MIL comes and takes care of them again so I can have some ME time :D
I know the kids will be fine and not feel betrayed now. Going to Paris in the Autumn for a whole weekend with my husband, MIL will watch kids, it's going to be AMAZING. No kids, eat at fancy restaurants, climb the Eiffel tower, ride bikes around, SLEEP IN. OMG, so excited.
You just need to get over the hump, leave them with your MIL for an hour one day, then maybe 2 hours the next week, 4 hours the week after that, build it up to letting her have them for a whole day or overnight. The freedom will be wonderful and you'll start to feel like you again.
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