Toddlers outbursts getting out of hand

[parentingisnotmything]

My toddler (now 2.5) has always struggled with temper, specifically lashing out with pinching and biting. It seems to go in fits and starts but there is never a month where there aren't flare ups. Family member is a special needs worker and raised possible concerns regarding behaviour that may point to additional needs, though the nursery toddler goes to aren't concerned about additional neees and they are well trained.
Nursery were initially worried about biting but this seems to have improved (though there are attempted bites each attendance) This is leading me to believe that I am the problem. I just don't know how to handle it. I have tried ignoring, removing toys, removing from situation, talking about how it makes people feel and that it isn't allowed, ignoring my toddler and putting attention onto the person that has been bitten etc

This week has been terrible. I'm covered in bruises. Toddler has even bitten themselves. At one point I was holding the baby and had to to kick my toddler away as they just wouldn't stop biting my legs. I feel awful about it.

Trying to figure out the cause. Worth noting that child has had some trauma in the last 6 months but it doesn't seem to have cooncided with that (though I've no doubt it will have had an effect) Think some may be jealousy as it often happens around the time I feed baby. But other times my toddler is playing with me and will just scream and lash out. Also toddler has started hitting their head or body on things and telling me they've hurt themselves.

I'm worried I'm being too soft and causing more problems. At the moment if anything happens I remove related item/say that we can no longer do what activity we are doing if there is one. Block the attempts of hurting and say that I'm moving away as they're hurting and it's not ok. I say I'm here when they have calmed and need me. Once calm I tall about how it make me feel and ask how toddler is feeling/talk about what I think they might be feeling and explain it's never ok to hurt. They understand it's not ok but honestly sometimes it's quite scary, I almost feel I'm being attacked. The shrieks toddler makes and chasing me around clawing at me and Trying to hurt me. Lasted around 10 minutes earlier then toddler came to me.for a cuddle, had the odd flare up of trying to hit then went really floppy and cried.

How on earth do I approach this? Sorry for the stupidly long post.

[shonkyklingonmakeup]

Oh no, that sounds horrible. I used to dread interacting with my mouthy puppy because of the bruising and felt terrible about it. I can only imagine it's so much worse when it's your child! It is just a stage though, this figuring out of limits. So go easy on yourself. You're doing a fabulous job!

It does sound like the trauma (and the change from being the baby to the big sibling too mayb?) is taking its toll on behaviour.

My toddler is a bit younger and hasn't discovered aggression yet (though I'm sure she's going to any day soon), but she also bangs her head and completely loses her shit when she doesn't get her way. My technique (such as it is), is to say "I understand..." and then tell her what's going on, in terms of her emotions/the situation that led her up to the meltdown. It usually gets her to calm down faster.

Another thing that I have to do to prevent meltdown situations is setting a timer for 10 minutes and giving her undivided attention/hugs/whatever she needs. The renewed connection really helps keep her on an even keel.
We also play "zoomies" (basically chase) and roll around/roughhouse to get stress out through giggles. This might not be practical with a baby, though!

Maybe a bit of art therapy? Where they draw you a picture and talk you through it. Maybe it is jealousy and trauma bubbling up to the surface. Toddlers can't just tell us what is bothering them, so we have to get the information out of them sideways.

I think your technique of trying to get your toddler to understand why it is not acceptable once calm is very good. It is just going to take time. Emphasis the language of choice "You chose to hit mummy/ You chose to bite. What else could you choose to do when you are angry?"

You've got this!